...and this is why i love my mom.

so, my dad bought my mom a new set of golf clubs a few weeks ago. since mom and dad have us "kids" out of the house now, i guess they have too much time on their hands that needs to be filled with some good, quality entertainment. after they had gotten home from the golf course today, mom texts me at work and informs me on her latest stunt...

mom: "you won't believe what happened on the golf course today."
me: "good or bad?"
[five minutes and still no response...]
me: "weeelll?"
mom: "we were on billy goat hill, a bee flew down my shirt and stung my back and butt, and i completely stripped down in front of God and everybody else who might have been watching."

needless to say, i laughed really hard while trying to explain to my co-workers the story. mom said dad just sat there staring at her with a pained expression the whole time she was taking all of her clothes off. she also stated how glad she was that no one was playing behind them and how poorly they played after the fact. they couldn't hit their balls for laughing. at least she got the bee out before it stung her again.

i feel like mom's little spectacle today was borderline x-rated. it could possibly settle for r-rated. nonetheless, it definitely brought a brand new meaning to good, quality entertainment.

thoughts

*i think i had forgotten how to relax until this weekend.
*i felt awful after my test, but i'm fine now.
*mom's words encourage me a lot. no matter the outcome, it's all going to be okay.
*the Lord is good, and He's in control. how easily i forget.
*a big pile of books [of my choice] to read makes me feel good.
*lake martin, my cousins, sunshine, and buck's fried chicken combine to make perfection.
*only two days until i'm in the hills of virginia!

take two

well, it's not even 10:45pm, and i'm about to hit the sack. i'll be taking the mcat again in the morning from 8am until no telling. if you're reading this, say a little prayer for me.

i just got finished taking a practice test online, and i scored a 15. that's right, a 15. out of 45. that's the lowest score i've ever made. that's the lowest score i've ever had nightmares of making. it really discouraged me. i say that like it's in the past tense, but i'm still discouraged. i've been discouraged for quite awhile now over this stupid test. standardized tests are not my friends.

the only way i'm going to pass this test is with the Lord's help. i was pretty sure i knew what the Lord wanted me to do.. where He wanted me to go.. why has it been such a struggle?

well, here goes nothing...
mcat: take two..

i lost my patience.

[forewarning]: this blog will not contain foul language, but it is scattered with heavy negativity. i try my best to make my blogs uplifting for the most part, but i need this space tonight to rant a little. i do realize i'm being ungodly and petty, and i apologize for that beforehand.

so, as most of you know, i currently work in a lab. i've never been too confident of my patience level, but this job has shown me just how much further i have to go.

there's this dude, russell, i work with [a more precise description would be a 62-year-old almost-bald man who is well over 300 pounds] who could very easily be the most annoying person on the planet. upon being hired last september, my supervisor and fellow co-workers warned me about him. i remember thinking, "how bad could he possibly be?" let's just say nothing i heard about him was exaggerated in the least bit.

i have never had many problems at all with getting along with people. i like to be at peace with everyone and flee from conflict at the first sign of it. i enjoy seeing people happy and rarely ever speak up against someone unless they cross the line. russell, he's a different story. perhaps the Lord is trying to teach me to be patient while also being bold enough to stand up for myself. i'm certain i haven't been wise or Godly in my attempts so far.

you see, everything this man does irks me. his habit that drives me over the edge [more than his excessive internet usage, random bursts of cursing, or his snail-like speed that results in me having to do my work and his too] is his banging on the keyboard. it's so loud that i still hear him with my earphones on and the volume to the max. me and several others have asked him nicely, on numerous occasions, to go easy on the poor 'Enter' key, and he completely disregards us. we even got him a new, silent keyboard [supposedly], and the banging continues. there is no doubt he should go down in history for making the most racket. i used his computer the week he was off and tried to conjure up the same sounds with no such luck.

i, emily hill, blew up at him a couple of weeks ago. i think my exact words to him were, "if you don't stop banging on that keyboard of yours, i think i'm going to pull all of the hairs out of my head!" that wasn't all i said, but you get the picture. while sudden outbursts like this one are new to me, i can't seem to control my tongue with him around. i sit there doing my best to hold my thoughts in for so long until my chest tightens and i eventually explode. Lord, help me...

earlier tonight, i jumped at the chance to leave my usual admitting desk and help in central processing since they were short on hands. i've kept my mom updated on the whole lab fiasco, so she likes checking up on me during the course of the night...

mom: "hey, things going better today?"
me: "well, he's banging again. i've been doing things in the lab today, though."
mom: "what kind of things... sticking people?"
me: "no. pouring urine in different tubes."
mom: "oh..."

oh, the joys of working in a lab. i guess pouring urine does keep my mouth shut.

e.e. cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

short circuits

equations i learned today...

1. power (P) = current (i) x voltage (V)
2. voltage (V) = current (i) x resistance (R)
3. charge (Q) = capacitance (C) x voltage (V)

conclusions i made today...

1. resistors and capacitors are stupid.
2. resistors in a series are added, and resistors in parallel are divided.
3. capacitors are like resistors except completely opposite.
4. i must be a capacitor, because i can hold lots of energy!
5. physics is the most logical yet most incomprehensible thing to me.
6.physics may be good for the brain, but it's bad for my complexion.

eurotrip

i don't like planning. i've never been a planner, an organizer, or a facilitator in any sense of the words. i'm the kind of person who makes decisions as they need to be made. i despise deadlines and abhor itineraries. i have a general idea of where i'm going but can't tell you for sure until i get there.

with all that said, i'm planning a european trip... over a year in advance. why, you may ask?
1) ...because i really need something to look forward to.
2) ...because europe is the exception to all of the rules.
3) ...because it will be mom's first time abroad, and she has to love it as much as i do.

first, we have to decide on a destination. we're looking at spending 12-14 days traveling.

any suggestions?

He is alive.

extremely condensed version of my day:

perfume. happy easter texts. basket full of candy. "the desert song" by hillsong on the way to church. lots of familiar faces. rachel and gabrielle. hearing adrian sing. hugs. scarf. comfort food. A, B, and C (the boys, not the first three letters of the alphabet). mamaw's first easter basket. egg hunts. children. yellow and orange tulips. golf. my second family. cotton candy. the beginning plans of next summer's Europe trip. blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead..." I Peter 1:3

You'll be my weeping willow.

weeping willow, may i sit under your shade?
reality looks me square in the eyes,
she's so hard to face sometimes.
let your tears fall where they will,
they'll wash the cynicism from my mind.

whispering willow, why do you stand here in the waste land?
you envelope me in a peaceful embrace,
i won't paint you among the graves this time.
tomorrow the mourning will come,
but tonight sing to me a deathless song.

graceful willow, how do your roots run so deep?
your arms cover the brokenhearted,
twirling delicately about me as i sleep.
i'm under nature's own ballerina,
and she's dancing to the rhythm of my dreams.

vulnerable willow, when will the sun's light seep through?
you've made yourself transparent,
allowing me to tread upon thoughts from you.
i'll come forth from within as the dawn breaks,
healed and starting anew.

(c) 2009

i must not be a hood rat.

today at work, erik coached me some more on my rapping abilities. i have the beat down, but i don't sound "hard" enough. in this context, i'm concluding that hard is used to describe someone who is gangsta/from the streets/always getting their hustle on/keeping it real. the rap i'm learning goes something like this...

"i've been up and i've been down, beat to the ground but God pulled me out now. the bridge i traveled shattered like glass. the road i was on is not the right path. the only faith i had was in a girl named Faith, and He snatched that Faith away from me, told me the faith i need is in a G-O-D... so listen up.."

...and the rest of the lyrics are yet to come. i just have to memorize and conquer them first. between russell banging on his keyboard and mine and erik's jam sessions, the labfirst admitting area is rarely quiet. i guess i'll continue with my progress tomorrow.

have i mentioned that i love the words "hood rat?" i have latarian milton to thank for that.

watch: latarian milton

the space between

nothing significant has occurred in the last couple of days, so here's another poem. i guess i could write for awhile about life, love, and other mysteries, but i'm meeting a boy for coffee in 45 minutes and have accomplished nothing in regards to my goal of getting myself out the door.

space is the time it takes to move freely again without wondering what went wrong
and sometimes space fills the empty pages or breaks the silence so the words can do no harm
a place available for a particular purpose, knowing it will not be vacant for very long

a space between notes is enough time to enjoy the one before and anticipate the one to come
one can get lost in it, not even sure of the melody or the lyrics making up the song
space is the unlimited realm in which all things occur or the thing one needs to be alone

space allows, understands, and does not interfere with the letters on either side of its walls
it gives the freedom to express oneself and brings the words held back for too long
space is the illusion of depth around us while the Best has reached out to save us all

space brings forgetfulness along with forgiveness by allowing us to finally be free again
it takes us from our surroundings and gives us to somewhere, or better yet, to Someone new
even as the longed for uncertainty captures us, we know that this is not the end

in space, minutes and hours come and go without leaving even a trace of them behind
an interval of time that can seem like forever but in reality be faster than a blink of an eye
for now i will keep this space between us and do nothing other than look up to the sky
(c) 2009

but the space between where you're smilin' high
is where you'll find me if i get to go
the space between the bullets in our firefight
is where i'll be hiding, waiting for you

the rain that falls splash in your heart
ran like sadness down the window into your room
the space between our wicked lies
is where we hope to keep safe from pain

take my hand 'cause we're walking out of here
oh, right out of here, love is all we need, dear

the space between what's wrong and right
is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
the space between your heart and mine
is the space we'll fill with time
-dave matthews band

rise and shine like starz.

i rose early today. i've decided a glass of wine before bed makes me feel well-rested. while i've always wished i was a morning person, i'm convinced i never will be. so, the more rested i feel the better. i think the previous sentence contains the most applicable-to-everyone statement i've ever said.

as of the moment, i'm at home and considering a nap. thrift stores can make you tired in a hurry. i made my rounds this morning and came home with.. [hold your breath]... one vase and two cork bottles. the bottles, which now have wildflowers stuck in them, look cute on my kitchen table. i'm also a little worried about whit. she was supposed to come to birmingham today to hear one of her favorite bands play, and i haven't heard from her. if i wasn't used to receiving updates from her via twitter throughout the day, i wouldn't think a thing about it. i have two hypotheses: (1) tim flew to alabama without her knowing, stole her and her phone for the weekend, and is putting a black diamond on her finger.. OR.. (2) she ran over her phone again. [whit, i hope you're alive and well!]

if i get brave enough to bust a tune at Starz karaoke tonight, i'll be sure to update.

update: whit is A OK, and neither of my hypotheses were correct [which seems to be the case most of the time]. we searched for a song to karaoke to but unfortunately couldn't find one that seemed to fit. we were, however, entertained by the others who sang their hearts out. oh, and the velcro pygmies have some major talent on those instruments.

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
Ray Lamontagne

walk on, walk on, walk on.

these songs got me out of bed this morning...

1. "love and some verses" iron & wine
2. "all the trees of the field will clap their hands" sufjan stevens
3. "can't go back now" the weepies
4. "only love remains" griffin house
5. "blindsided" bon iver
6. "boston and st. johns" great big sea
7. "divine romance" phil wickham

short but sweet

it's been a sufjan stevens kind of day--good, thoughtful, and mellow.

"and i am throwing all my thoughts away
and i'm destroying every bet i've made
and i'm joining all my thoughts to you
and i'm preparing every part for you.."

word of the day: camaraderie - n. goodwill and lighthearted rapport between or among friends; comradeship; the quality of affording easy familiarity and sociability. [syn: fellowship; companionship; intimacy; togetherness]

say it. it's fun to say out loud.

i want to sense a stronger camaraderie between me and Jesus.

p.s. one more thought from a friend of mine. what would you do if you knew you could not fail? as for me, i would fly..above all of the sadness, darkness, and shame.. and tell everyone there is hope.

April Fools!

since nearly all of my friends are getting engaged or married, i figured i should be in a relationship for a day. i used April Fools as an excuse to pull a fast one on my facebook friends. i am pretty sure it was a success. i got so many comments, messages, and emails it was ridiculous.

"congratulations!"
"who is the lucky man?"
"hold up!!! i'm gonna need details!"

i never suspected the attention and fame that comes with having a man. thanks, Adam Kidd, for being my better half for the day. it was a pleasure.