ralph waldo emerson

*do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.

*hitch your wagon to a star.

*always do what you are afraid to do.

*don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.

*give all to love; obey thy heart.

*live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.

*our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can.

*the only gift is a portion of thyself.

*this time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

*what you do speaks so loud that i cannot hear what you say.

*to be great is to be misunderstood.

books, ears, and the beach

can i make my excitement really evident and write in enormous letters and say something that i've been waiting to say for what seems like an eternity now? well, even if you whisper "no" and i still hear it, i'm going to do it anyway, because...

I CAN HEAR!!!!!

(i was really going for something a little more dramatic than that, but whatever works. that's the best me and this here blog can do.)

after the doctor finished rummaging around in my right ear again today, i felt a little bit like an ant would feel if a dinosaur walked up and started talking to it. okay, i'm pretty sure ants don't have ears, and if they did, they would probably be too minute to hear much of anything. maybe you still get my point. the world seemed completely different. the doctor asked me a question, and i jumped a little. he understood. and then i responded and thought, "so THAT'S what i sound like." i had forgotten. i made it a point to turn my radio down as soon as i got in my car to leave. it would have blasted me to the third heaven. (...and that would have been unfortunate why?)

i love our senses. the world is so much more beautiful when they're included.

i bought new books today. in my eyes, a long beach trip is the perfect excuse to invest in some new reading material. i was afraid i'd be in books-a-million for hours trying to reach a decision. while i'm as indecisive as a person can be, i'm not blaming my personality flaw for the countless hours i've spent in bookstores. it's plain and simple. i just love books. and how anyone can walk in, grab a book off the shelf, and walk out is beyond me. i did, however, manage to make it a quick trip... a record time of only 45 minutes!

my choices? when crickets cry by charles martin and the time-traveler's wife by audrey niffenegger. i surprised myself with the latter, but i figure with the movie coming out that i'll probably end up seeing, i'll rest better knowing i read the book first. i'm sure i won't be disappointed.

beach, i can't wait to see you.

i've been looking for you.

maybe you're just jaded
from some nobody's unforgotten words
maybe you're just faded
a little gray from every time that you've been hurt
so you're looking for your skin
that you never did fit in
you can't hide when you're turned inside out
love is looking for you now

maybe you've been burning
but you can't blow out a flame that you can't find
maybe you've been thirsty
but the rain just ain't enough when you're this dry
so you're running from the water
and the fire's getting hotter
i think you better find some level ground
love is looking for you now

maybe you've been wearing
the shoes that someone else is wearing now
maybe you've been swearing forever might have already run out
you can't love yourself at the expense of someone else
you can't hide a liar from the truth
love is looking for you

i've been looking for you

-miranda lambert

just a little further now...

i'm laying on my bed in Gadsden, and there are still several boxes on the floor around me. one of them is filled with stuff i've collected over the years that i'm finally getting rid of, and in the others' are random objects i have to find places for. it's weird being back home.

it's not like i've ever moved too far away, but some of the same feelings i felt when i was about to leave for college make their way up to the surface of me again. i'm unsure of where i'm going and have no idea what the next step for me will be. my mind is consumed with all of the possibilities. all in all, i just want to be passionate about what i do and make a difference. i don't think that's too much to ask.

i just got back from a short trip to Virginia with Kimberly and T-Rav monday night, and i'm already wanting to go back. the mountains were beautiful, the grass looked a little greener (it always seems to on the other side), horses were everywhere, and it wasn't Alabama. is it bad that i'm so anxious to leave when almost everyone who means anything at all to me is here?

mom, she does more for me than any other mom on the planet. i'm sure of that. she has put me before herself every day of her life. she wants me to be happy and successful even more than i want myself to be happy and successful. and my dad, i find myself becoming more thankful for him each day i live. i hear and witness stories of how fathers' are absent, or violent, or both, and i see the effects it has on families for generations. my good friend's husband is having trouble showing love and approval because he was never shown approval himself. a man uses violence as a means of control because, well, that's what his father did. my father... he's always been there, and i love him for that.

i could go on and on about the people here i love: Josh, Heather, Mamaw, Papaw, Nancy, TR, the boys, the Montgomery clan, and my friends that I couldn't survive without talking to or laughing with. for sanity's sake, i'll keep this list to a minimum. (quite frankly, reading shout-outs in the front of books or the back of CD covers has always stressed me out because i just KNOW a special person who has been detrimental in the life of the writer has been left out.) now, back to my point...

Mamaw saw me today and said, "well, it's my wandering granddaughter!" i feel bad for being a "wanderer" most of the time, but i'm learning that it shouldn't be considered a bad thing. i've never been one to stay when i had the chance to leave. i've never been content to stay. i was born curious. i was made for adventure. that's just who i am.

i don't know how long i'll be here or where i'll be going, but when the Lord provides a new path, i'm going to take it. i can only hope and pray that if this path leads me a little further away this time (or a little further north... i definitely wouldn't mind Virginia being added to the mix..), the people in my life will know they mean the world to me.