tenderly, sweetly, freely, completely

my heart and my mind are much too complicated for me. lately i've had trouble telling the difference between the two. i know truth in my mind, but i can't figure out how to get it down in my heart. i know a lot of good, but i can't feel it. i want this goodness deep within me, filling up and spilling over, and yet i'm almost sure it can't make its way there by any efforts of mine. i think He has to make the transfer, and sometimes i think He wants us to really think about our circumstances before He takes over. only when we've felt hopeless can we be driven to Hope. and this Hope can't be contained.

...and His mercy? ...

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."
Ephesians 2: 1-7 [emphasis added]

oh, how His mercies are new every morning.

i was sitting here at work tonight listening to music, and suddenly, His love for humanity overwhelmed me. i like to think i've always had a heart for people, but most of the time i find myself wanting to love more.. give more... be more. as tears formed in my eyes, He gave me just a taste of Himself. i started praying for salvation for one of my friends. i want him with me in heaven one day. i want him to see the beauty of Jesus. but as much as i love this friend, Jesus loves him even more. for a moment, i felt this love stronger than ever. so Lord, humbly i ask. save him. keep him. show Yourself to him.

as one of my best friends said, the Lord has been gradually tightening my leash. He's been drawing my attention and disciplining me in love. my sin humbles me. and after confession time this weekend, i can say that exposure does lead to healing. keeping each other accountable is necessary for us to walk in obedience. the fact that He's provided someone for me to confide in--who is walking through some of the same struggles i am--has been such a blessing. i didn't even think to ask for it, He just gave it to me. freely.

tenderly, sweetly,

you whisper the truth.

freely, completely,

i wanna love like You.

some advice i received from a spiritual father in an email a couple of weeks ago... "do all that He puts in your heart. when you do, He provides the way and the resources. don't be afraid to do what's in your heart. we do the will of God from the heart. you know your desires. all that is good and according to His Word will be blessed."

...and after all of this pondering, He reminds me.. Goodness is already there. He's in my heart. my flesh just likes to get in the way. so i guess it's not about wondering what's in my heart, it's about letting it come out. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

"my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
psalm 73:26

speaking of...

this weather is perfect. it's finally cool enough to wear boots. i looove boots. speaking of boots, i bought my first pair of the infamous Ugg's this weekend. ( they were my early birthday present from mom and dad.) i still think they are some of the ugliest shoes i've ever seen, but they are so waaaarm. i think i'll wear them to the Alabama game this weekend.

speaking of Alabama football, i'm having withdrawals. a part of me wish i could watch them play every day, but then again, i'm afraid i'd have a nervous breakdown, especially if all of their games were as ugly as this past one. okay, so the defense wasn't ugly at all. and i wish i could hug Ingram for stepping it up on the offense.

speaking of Ingram, he needs a Heisman. and if they had a trophy for the "most ridiculously giddy Alabama fan during the Walk of Champions," i would nominate my mom. she never fails to jump out in the middle of the team as they're walking and convince them to give her high fives. she says it gives her a rush. all of them look at her like she's a loon, but some of them concede and reluctantly hold their hands out anyway.

this past week, the girl beside me kept laughing at mom and saying, "look at her! Roll Tide! look at her!" i just laughed, nodded, and tried to hide my face with my hands. i would like to think that maybe the fans around me had no idea she was my mom, but considering we look just alike, it's a pretty hopeless situation. and deep down, i think i love how she gets over the Tide.

i can't wait to enjoy another Bryant-Denny stadium dog this weekend, and i really hope Alabama beats the heck out of UT.

but not me, i'm alive

tailgatin'

taking a spin in T-Rav's F250 with Kimberly

sips n strokes: round II

i feel like i need to write. it's already seven days into october and no blog entries. heaven forbid. i've never been one to write just for the sake of writing itself, though, and i don't have any earth-shattering news. i guess that's where pictures can come in and do my life a little justice. [not much... i'd rather experience life than try to capture it all, although some friends of mine would disagree. one in particular calls me the "picture nazi." ohhh, brother.]

i don't know what to do with this jumbled mess that entangles my thoughts and isn't quite willing to free them just yet. i see a glimmer of a thought trying to peek its way through every now and then but not enough to decipher it and put it down in words. most days i have an epiphany and think, "whoa, that was good and deep and maybe even life-altering," and before i know it, it's found its place again in the web i like to call my mind. one of these days i may take the time to pick out the pieces that contain substance, put them all together, and teach myself a thing or two. but for now, these empty words and lifeless pictures will have to do.

because while the pictures themselves contain no life, i'm full of it.

it’d be easy to add up all the pain
and all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
but not me, i’m alive

and today you know that’s good enough for me
breathin' in and out's a blessin' can’t you see
today's the first day of the rest of my life
and i’m alive, and well
i’m alive, and well

-kenny chesney