i think i've had writers block for a couple years now. i used to write pretty frequently and even felt myself leaning toward the creative/intuitive/insightful side (the idea of being totally right-brained brings with it a little spark somewhere inside me, but i analyze a person's words and search for logical explanations of things that can never make sense on this side of heaven too much for that).
but now it's like...
nothing.
well, let me back up. there's an array of feelings but no words to express them. and the worst part is feeling like i have so much to say...
...lessons learned, hurts being dealt with and my heart mended, trusting again.
we hear stories of life and people it's happened to and as much as we want to empathize, we never really can until it happens to us... until the hurt cuts us in a tender place and we experience it for ourselves. and we have all hurt at some point... and no experience can be measured by another because not one of them are the same.
my friend and i were talking last week at work, and she said she's loved writing most of her life. it's always been an outlet she's used to express herself. she also mentioned that during her last couple years of marriage, she rarely ever picked up a pen. she was hurt so much that she eventually forgot how to express her emotions and feel at all. months after her divorce and several counseling sessions later, the emotions started to return and fill her, and she was able to pick up her journal and write again.
life happens. the important thing is that we move on.
we
have to move on.
i never want to speak of ideas that i've heard others speak on before just to sound good... i want to speak truth. i want my words to come from a real place i've been before. whether this place is Loneliness, Abandonment, or Dishonored, i want others to not feel so alone.
and even if i haven't been where they are, i want to tell them they're still not alone. we are never alone. the One who created us has walked where we've walked and is walking with us even now. He's cried, and He sees our tears.
we are never alone.
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ever had a 'yes' moment? an opportunity comes or a question is asked, and
yes is muttered, or screamed out, before you've even had time to think twice and process what this 'yes' means?
Sunday i just couldn't help myself. i don't think i could have said no even with a good amount of effort involved. i said yes to trusting again and possibilities and something significantly out of the blue. i had my mind set, and my plans were shredded to pieces. i may be wrong this time like i have been before, but i refuse to wonder what would have happened if i had not taken a chance. that's the story of my life.
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99% of the time, i see the good in people. i see what they can become. i see that even though they have bad habits, they can have good intentions. i see their hearts and what's caused them to choose destruction over life. it's just me. it's so easy for me to love and be an open book to those who are broken. i understand broken people because i'm breakable too.
i just know Someone who can make it all better and put it all back together again.
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i really hope the words come back to me--not my own words but ones inspired by Him who breathed life into my being.
and i hope these words bring life to you.
i've got a tight grip on reality
but i can't let go of what's in front of me here
-paramore
