let my light rise in the darkness.

"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the LORD honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly; then you shall take delight in the LORD, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
Isaiah 58:6-14

this is so good. i tried highlighting a phrase or two in my Bible and ended up highlighting the entire passage. i want my bones to be made strong. more than that, i want to please Him.

i'm off to Rivertown. i can't wait. :)

p.s. i got my hair chopped off today... the shortest it's been since i was a wee one. my plan was to grow it out again, but i decided to have healthy hair instead. word of advice: never use heat protection products unless you know they are good ones. the straightening iron plus a slight sizzling sound probably isn't a good sign. hair always grows back though, right?

coffee is my friend.

i'm glad tomorrow is Friday.

i'm tired of boring routine. working second shift is for the birds. i don't think the birds would even like it. i get up, go to work, come home late, study a little, go to bed, and do it all over again five days out of the week. when i consider my days, the words suppressed.. constrained.. inhibited.. stifled come to mind. i'm glad it won't be like this forever. at least i can rejoice in knowing this. for old time's sake, here is to me feeling a little less constrained...

i passed by the snack machine earlier this afternoon, and i really think that honey bun was talking to me. it said "buy me! eat me!" i'm happy to report i resisted. i did decide on my way home coffee (..even with Coffeemate/splenda added) isn't going to be considered a "sweet," and i stopped by Starbuck's. that would be going a little too far.

Hearing your voice all around
The last place we're going is down
I'll blindly follow knowing you're leading the way

Boyce Avenue

give me grace.

today is the first day of Lent. i've never given up something for forty days before, and maybe i've used the excuse of me not being Catholic as the reason why. so, i've decided to use these forty days to fast from two things i like a lot: sweets and Facebook. (i'm fasting from Myspace too, although i rarely get on there. that doesn't count for much).

i eat sweets probably way too much, and i spend time on Facebook that i could use to do something much more productive.. like praying and getting to know Him more. i would just make it more simple and stay off the computer, but i need to check email at work and update my blog, of course. i know He's going to teach me a lot. i wouldn't want to forget it. i hope during these forty days, He will teach me more of Himself and will give me a desire only for Him. i want to take this time to repent for the sins i've been struggling with and turn from them for good. i know He will give me the grace i need.

p.s. i'm actually starting my fast tomorrow. Herenia, the puerto rican lady who's been working with us, brought panera for us today. she was so excited. i'm not sure if the raspberry cream cheese counts as a sweet, but i'm saying it does. it was pretty darn sweet and good.

gon' wit da Jesus!

i killed myself from the inside out

and all my fears have pushed You out

wished for things that i don't need

and what i chased won't set me free...

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

Psalm 34:5

...and if it's Your hand leading me

i will not be lead astray

and if it's Your face that I seek

Your radiance will be the life in me

"u-gone-da right way if u gon' wit da Jesus!" -christi talbert ... from a text she sent tonight. i love her.

better than life

love sinks deep in our stomach
agrees with us only for a moment
'til we spit out the remains and try again

we go and modify what's left
by giving more and more of ourselves
to make whole what only He can fill...
(c) 2009

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.
Psalm 63:2-4

i long to be blameless.

the only way i can really walk upright is to spend time with Him and not with the world. how can i expect to walk blamelessly before Him if i'm not even taking the time to talk with Him or listen to what He says to me through His Word?

oh how i fall, again and again, but His mercies are never-ending.

my heart has wings
they've just flown away for awhile
to a distant place it seems
but they'll be back whiter than before

maybe they'll come in full
like a flock in winter
or they may come slowly, one at a time
with gratefulness at their ends

my heart will fly again
assuredly, gently, above the stars
these wings bring change
pumping the flesh out
all the while, the Spirit remains

my heart has wings
they've just gone away for awhile
to a far off place it seems
but they'll be back
they'll be back, truer than before

i'm going to make it right this time.
p.s. i was made to impact the world.

"Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."
Romans 7:14-20

where You send me, i will go..

i'm sitting here at work with nothing to do. it's a good thing i have a blog now! i usually study during my free time, but i forgot my MCAT book today. i also forgot my headphones which means no music. that upsets me. Friday's are usually slow, so i'll survive.

i just have to say i'm really thankful for my job. it's not my ideal job, to say the least, but it's a job. it will definitely make me appreciate the next stage of my life once i get there. in the next few months i'll have a better idea of where i'm going. either way, i will have six months to a year before i start medical school. i have a major opportunity that is in front of me, and i'm going to keep praying about it for awhile. i would appreciate all the prayers i can get. :)

a lady i met in Auburn, Carla Etheridge, lives in Uganda. she started a ministry called "the Tabitha Project," and she ministers to widows and orphans. for over 20 years, war broke out in this region and left thousands of people homeless and in need of outside help. most of the people that survived are widows and orphans. Carla helps provide these people with food, shelter, clothes, medical necessities, etc. most importantly, she is able to tell them about Jesus and how much He loves them! i've kept in touch with her through email and have been praying about going there to work under her for a while before i start school. just thinking about it excites me. i hope the Lord allows me to go.

it's been prophesied to me several times that i will go to Africa. i had plans to spend part of my Christmas break in Kenya a couple years ago to work at a hospital there, but i never got the second response back. if i would have gone, i would have been in Kenya while the attacks were going on. now i know it was the Lord's will for me to stay. i'm hoping this is my chance to go and minister for awhile and grow more in the Lord. i would be working with a lady that has given the rest of her life to these people, and i know i would gain a lot from this experience. i can only hope i would give even more.

and i heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall i send, and who will go for us?" then i said, "here am i! send me."
Isaiah 6:8

...i believe

so, Courtney Taylor and i keep poking each other back and forth on Facebook. i'm still not sure why. he started it. maybe he saw a picture of me and him in one of my albums and thinks he's my hero. or maybe it's just a hacker. i'm sure this wouldn't be happening if he knew i am a Bama fan. nonetheless, i think it's pretty amusing.

on a more serious note, i really need to stop complaining so much. i was reminded at church Sunday that when we complain, we're really complaining about Jesus. i'm where i'm at for a reason. all the people who surround me, even the ones who test me, were put in my life for a reason. i need to stop being so selfish and let His light shine in me. i feel like i have wandered away and need to find Him again. He's in me, but i'm not living like He is.

sitting in this place waiting to be inspired
how does the moment slip in and when will it again?
i could write words well thought out and admired
yet i'll lack the feelings behind them... until i believe

i want them beautiful, blissful
pure emotion wrapped in truth
rolling off of my tongue 'cause i can't hold them in
the feelings that come when i think of you

wondering what the next turn i take will be
been in this drought for awhile now
you are gazing at me from afar it seems
when in reality you're close enough to breathe

you are tasteful, graceful
real love clothed in glory
so rich is your being my flesh can't contain it
it loses its meaning when you come around

sitting in my room, you're the inspiration
you slip in and die to set me free
insufficient words cannot express how i feel
but my heart knows who you are...and i believe

as the night fades into morning and the ocean skims the shore
as the leaves turn in mid-October, i'm forever yours

words still have their meanings and the children laugh and run
as the storms may pass but sometimes fall, i'm forever yours

the melodies we hear still move us while remembering times before
but in the end i will return because i'm forever yours

as sparks fly up from the well-lit fire and ashes burn away
as you break through everything i have become, i'm forever yours

(c) 2009

my feelings are usually wrong. as many times as i wander away, i never have to find Him. He always finds me.

kill me, so that You may live..

i can't believe i am doing this. this might just be the perfect opportunity to delete Myspace and commit fully to blogging. since it's 1:00am and my eyes are beginning to shut, i'm just going to include something i wrote a year or so ago. i realize i'm still in this place even now.

tear through the walls of this heart
the layers of doubts and insecurities are many,
and the barriers were drawn long ago
rip my flesh and shred it to pieces
heal the pain, because after all..
You are all i really need to know

dig down deep, even deeper than before
Your grip may kill me,
but life only comes after death
freedom comes with a price,
a sum You have already paid
so.. come in, breathe in deeply for me,
and i’ll give You, and only You, my final breath

replace my works, words, and wishes
with Your grace, truth, and fire
comprehension feels needed,
but Your Word is much more than enough
take this spark inside, light it up, and set my soul ablaze
let the flame cleanse the impurities within..
all i long for is You.. Love.

(c) 2008

And off in the distance
Mountains begin to appear
Smaller still my worries seem
When I'm resting up here

'Cause I've been confused
And you've stayed the same
The things that I'm lacking
Have caused me to say
Just look at me now, tired it's true
All that I'm wanting is to lay here with you

-Matt Wertz