i like flowers.

i should probably invest in a pretty vase just to keep at work. every time i get flowers my co-workers have to help me hunt something for me to put them in.

thanks Seth. :)

Weight of Glory

i needed today.

you know that feeling you get when the Lord just comes to you and rests awhile? i feel Him the strongest when i sing. to me, He's sort of comparable to a weight (a good kind of weight) that comes and rests on me, filling my whole body with heat. and when i sing, i'm fully aware it's not really me singing at all. it's Him. in this moment when it's just me and Him, He comes in and changes my heart. i may not know exactly how He's changing me, but I know He is. He's making my heart, little by little, more like His.

after church today, Christie came up and asked me if i was planning on going to the mentor/mentee get-together at Susie's this afternoon. i hadn't planned on going since i didn't know anything about it, but since Christie was speaking, i figured i'd go hang out and enjoy some teaching. i was quick to tell Christie and a couple others when i got there that i didn't fill out a profile card because i wasn't planning on getting involved, but as always, the Lord had other plans already in order. (doesn't He always?) my excuse was that i didn't need to take on anything else... that my plate was already full... you know, the typical lines. but as i was sitting there listening to how these women have been blessed through forming relationships with each other, the Lord changed my mind for me. He told me i'd make the time. after all, relationships are really what this whole thing is about.

a friend texted me a while back and told me she was feeling heavy about a circumstance she was in, and i responded back with something like... "oh goodness... you know i understand. heavy is my middle name." funny thing is, i wasn't even trying to be funny. i have felt such heaviness lately, sometimes to the point of feeling like the weight of it is going to overtake me and drag me under, but days like today remind me of the truth.

the truth is that God's so much bigger than any of my feelings. and when He comes and rests on me and begins to give me new perspective, i'm reminded that He's far more powerful than i dare to imagine. His weight, the weight of glory (i find this title fitting since i'm reading C.S. Lewis's The Weight of Glory right now), is much stronger than the weight that heaviness can bring. He'll come and sit with us and throw our plans away and give us new ones from Him.

i'm glad He doesn't let me stay in control.

my thoughts today...

1. if i ever start focusing more on the gifts He's given me rather than seeking His face, He's quick at getting my attention again.
2. i wanna have faith like Job. "he said, 'i came naked from my mother's womb, and i will be naked when i leave. the Lord gave me what i had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!'" Job 1:21
3. i thought i'd never say these words, but i think i might want to teach. this thought terrifies me a little since a teacher is the last thing i'd consider myself, but He equips, right?
4. you may think i'm wishy-washy for changing my mind so much, and that's ok. i can be wishy-washy when it comes to the small things. and believe it or not, my career is a minute thing to me. it's less important to me than the Lord, my love, my family, my church, etc. i'm fully aware He gave me a mind to put to good use and hands to work, i'm just trying to take one day at a time and follow His lead. he brought me back to Gadsden when i didn't want to come. now that i'm here, i don't want to leave. He's funny sometimes. i'll follow Him anywhere, but i'm praying hard He lets me stay.
5. i'm already tired of typing today. i think i'll go eat a donut.