Monday, November 18, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
such a time as this
i'm a very emotional and sensitive person. there, i said it.
and it feels good.
i'm slowly learning how to love this about me, but i've hated it for a long time. yes... hated. i realize that's not healthy, but i'm just being honest. i've always considered myself a laid-back person, and i still think i am in a lot of ways, but most times i'm affected by more than i let on. i take things to heart, i analyze situations in my mind a billion times, and i can take something so small so personally. i've always wanted to be one of those 'tough gal' types. the gal that can be told almost anything and still lets the words roll right off her back. the gal that can see another with great qualities and still loves her own qualities just as well. the gal who doesn't compare herself to others but sees her worth. the strong one.
but now i'm learning (even though it's a slow process) to love who God created me to be. He did not create me to be insecure or have low self-esteem by any means, but He did create me to be sensitive. He created me with a disability to slow me down a little and take notice of other gifts He's given me. i also think He gave me this physical affliction to learn how to really love and be loved. love isn't a feeling and it's not based on good circumstances. it's sacrifice and it's a choice. it's a daily commitment. it's choosing to be there for someone even when it's hard.
i've had days (even recent ones like today) when i feel very unlovable. i can think of at least a thousand people who could do it better than me... who could give more than me... who could make it look so much easier.
and that is so selfish... to the ones loving me unconditionally and the One who made me.
He created me with a purpose in mind. He created me to be me --- slow but full of life. sensitive but showing mercy.
He gave us certain gifts to use for Him, and if we're busy feeling sorry for ourselves or comparing ourselves to everyone else around us, we're unable to use these gifts effectively. it's as simple as that.
He chose me for such a time as this...
and i'm daily learning to be unashamed and free because He made me free.
and it feels good.
i'm slowly learning how to love this about me, but i've hated it for a long time. yes... hated. i realize that's not healthy, but i'm just being honest. i've always considered myself a laid-back person, and i still think i am in a lot of ways, but most times i'm affected by more than i let on. i take things to heart, i analyze situations in my mind a billion times, and i can take something so small so personally. i've always wanted to be one of those 'tough gal' types. the gal that can be told almost anything and still lets the words roll right off her back. the gal that can see another with great qualities and still loves her own qualities just as well. the gal who doesn't compare herself to others but sees her worth. the strong one.
but now i'm learning (even though it's a slow process) to love who God created me to be. He did not create me to be insecure or have low self-esteem by any means, but He did create me to be sensitive. He created me with a disability to slow me down a little and take notice of other gifts He's given me. i also think He gave me this physical affliction to learn how to really love and be loved. love isn't a feeling and it's not based on good circumstances. it's sacrifice and it's a choice. it's a daily commitment. it's choosing to be there for someone even when it's hard.
i've had days (even recent ones like today) when i feel very unlovable. i can think of at least a thousand people who could do it better than me... who could give more than me... who could make it look so much easier.
and that is so selfish... to the ones loving me unconditionally and the One who made me.
He created me with a purpose in mind. He created me to be me --- slow but full of life. sensitive but showing mercy.
He gave us certain gifts to use for Him, and if we're busy feeling sorry for ourselves or comparing ourselves to everyone else around us, we're unable to use these gifts effectively. it's as simple as that.
He chose me for such a time as this...
and i'm daily learning to be unashamed and free because He made me free.
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