fall into Me.

when the weight of the world
bears down so strong
it leaves footprints on the street
and theres too many miles to face
without a few more hours sleep
the storm clouds overhead won't shed
any rain to quench your thirst
i wanna be the one you reach for first

when your faith is stretched so thin
you can see right through your soul
and you can't find a nickel to buy a smile
'cause all your pockets all got holes
you wanna shut the door and hide
before the day can get much worse
i wanna be the one you reach for first

i wanna be the bottle
you've been drinking with your eyes
or the road you run away on
you've been running all your life
the third row pew that you last knew
as a child in church
i wanna be the one your reach for first

before your turn the key
before you fall asleep
before your drift away
to find some demons
waiting for you in your dreams
before your arms are stretched wide open
before your'e reaching for the sky
before your searching for direction
and all the answers to your why's

fall into me
my arms are opened wide
and you dont have to say a word
'cause i already see that it's hard
and your scared
and your tired
and it hurts

and i wanna be the one you reach for first

-sugarland

hearsay

rumour has it that i'm in love. rumour has it that you're the one. rumour has it that i can't live a day without you. rumour has it that you love me too.

ironically so...

complexity stirs at all the wrong times,
simplicities fade away when the moment is right.
the best of you is knocking on your door,
while you search for someone else's better half.
'silence is golden,' and yet the quiet
is making the bitterness even more tangible.
blackness, the only backdrop for the stars,
considered unruly due to the absence of light.

the moon, counterfeit of the sun, at times the
only way to see the shape your own hand is making.
the sun, as it rises, shines through the blinds
and instantly interrupts one who is dreaming.
lies are lurking expectantly around the corner,
but the truth is told as tears well up and spill over.
deeper love is better than the shallow kind,
and yet the deep thinker is scorned for questioning.

you work towards the bright future till you realize
it's here at last, only a little dimmer now.
what you always wished for you hold in your hands,
as you fight for the one thing you can't have.
the Maker of all defends, forgives, and protects,
with the Deceiver hovering in the midst.
it's said 'there's a fine between love and hate,'
but God is only one, most assuredly He wins out.
(c) 2009

word of the day: scout

i wrote: "i was a scout once--girl scout to be exact. i never made it past a Brownie. i remember making gingerbread houses out of cute candy and receiving pinned badges that i felt were undeserved. badges on a sash around my chest just for making a candied house... that's love."

one word

thanks to twitter, i found a thrilling yet all time-consuming site today.

one word. so little time.

i don't consider myself to be a complex writer anyway, but i'm an extra ordinary [not to be confused with extraordinary] writer when it comes to time limits. knowing the clock is ticking and time is running out creates this hollowness in me that i can't seem to shake. i have so much to think, to say, to offer, but nothing comes. this isn't just in the realm of writing but in the very realm of my being. i deeply long for my words to flow freely and my chains to be loosed and my heart to fill up with peace again.

this site will be good, and quite frustrating, for me. maybe i'll make the visit a daily occurrence.

word of the day: satellite

i wrote: "a satellite is high above and just... there. we may not see it, but it is over us. it's in the realm of the unknown and yet by it we see clearly."

my choices of words, along with my thought processes, need major improvement. it will come.

we don't feel, but we will.

i just finished watching Marley and Me and doubt that i have any more tears left to cry. i set myself up for it. i've always been a sucker for animals.

christi talbert came and spent the night with me last night. i love her. she's one of those friends that i can be 100% real with. we talked about our sins, our struggles, and how we wish the church was more honest with each other. i'm convinced if we were, the fellowship would make our loads lighter and the battle with sin a little less intimidating. the honesty would compel us to become better recipients of His grace and mercy. knowing someone else has been here makes us feel a little less alone. we don't feel worthy, but we are.

i get to see ET this weekend and am beyond excited. i'm hoping i can get her to take on a little mischief with me. it's been too long since we've been oddballs together.

since lady antebellum has played a vital role in getting me through my work week, i'll include a few of my favorite lyrics...

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You’re just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you’re down to your last breath
And you don’t know it yet

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there’s a silver lining
Just keep holding on
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won’t be much longer
You’ll find love, you’ll find peace
And the you you’re meant to be
I know right now that’s not the way you feel
But one day you will

we were written in the stars.

Looking for an angel
In these hills
Looking for a map to find
What we left behind
Knowing that we will
Always end up right where we start
'Cause I've got time on my hands
And hope in my heart
We both understand
We weren't meant to be apart

April showers
Bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning
Lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
'Cause love leaves an open door

If I had one wish
I'd wish for two
One for me, baby
One for you
It would find you
Right where you are
With time on your hands
And hope in your heart
We both understand
We were written in the stars

It's worth all the cost
'Til I find what I lost in your eyes
And you realize

April showers
Bring May flowers
We have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning
Lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
'Cause love leaves an open
Wishing and hoping
Love leaves an open door
-Sugarland

Mother's Day

The sweetest sounds to mortals given

Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.

William Goldsmith Brown

make me new.

i think sometimes we have to go somewhere new to gain perspective, and i think sometimes we have to check out the options before we realize the options are endless. i'm also beginning to think, for most of us, hitting rock bottom is what it takes to make us reach up again.

i don't feel numb, but maybe i am numb and don't feel at all. my mind floods with doubt and would be ashamed if it wasn't numb. as of late, i feel like i'm going through the motions and hardly remember them at all. i'm not sure if it's my subconscious stepping in to protect me by blocking my memories or if i'm choosing not to remember. either way, it's hurting more than helping. i need to be reminded and washed and and delivered.

i know this, but where do i start? where do i begin again?

i want to be as expectant and eager as i was a few years ago when i wrote this...

the flowers are in bloom now, and although i have felt a little pressed down, i know my soul is alive.

just as the Lord paints the world around me.. the sunsets, the grass with the daffodils scattered about, and the pretty paint ponies i see before turning on my street.. He paints my heart with the very intention of showing off His beauty.

i'm joyful because He's made me to be.

He's colored my heart.. my being.. and i can't help but let all of the colors run together and drip along the sidewalk as i chase after Him. i want them to see Him. He's the best artist in all of the land, and He makes beautiful things out of nothing. we may not be nothing, but we are little things, seemingly insignificant little things, and He makes us colorful and spectacular and beautiful.

i want my colors to run wild and paint a picture for the world to see.

a picture of love.

a picture of Jesus in me.

Virginia is for lovers.

miracle

trail riding

old house we found on the trail

the gang

jesse and sydney

piled on the golf cart

jesse's hat was a little too small.