He is jealous for me.

the last of this week has been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster for me, but i'd actually feel bad about going into all of the details of the several instances that seemed to collide together to make my emotions soar. i guess it's because after i spent most of yesterday in Webster's Chapel looking around at all of the people there standing in the rubble that was once their homes, life shifted back into the right perspective for me, and i stood there in complete awe of the mercy and grace and sovereignty of God.

He sure has a way of reminding me of how big He is and how small i am.

i don't know why He chooses to spare me and take the life of someone else. i don't know why He sometimes feels so close and other times He seems at a distance (even though i'm pretty confident it's more than likely me that's moved away). i don't really even understand why there has to be pain to bring purpose to life. but i don't have to know or understand it all, and i'm completely good with that.

you know, i'm new with this whole man/woman relationship thing. i've never not liked boys, don't get me wrong, but a lot of these emotions that come with being in love are new to me. i haven't felt some of these feelings before now... one of them being jealousy.

we, as women, want to be priority. we want to be pursued. we'd like to think we're the only one on their minds and there's been no one before us. and up until tonight, i've felt bad for feeling

that way. and then the Lord reminds me that He's the one who made me. He made my emotions, and He's making the church... the bride... ready. God made a way, through Jesus, for us to live forever... and soon He's coming back for His bride.

We are a priority to Him. He pursues us. We are so small yet we are ALWAYS on His mind.

and He is jealous for me. He is JEALOUS for me!

i'm not too insane after all.

"so be careful not to break the covenant the LORD your God has made with you. do not make idols of any shape or form, for the LORD your God has forbidden this. the LORD your God is a devouring fire; he is a jealous God."

deuteronomy 4:23-24