this little Light of mine...

God healed my car... and He's healing me, too. oh, and He gave me presciption coverage. :)

it's easier for me to see Him when it's dark out. for most people, i suppose it's the other way around. there's just something about having to stumble to the Light that's appealing to me. the more i have to reach and search for Him in the darkness, the more i appreciate His goodness to me. in the blackest of nights, He shines the brightest.

He didn't come to us without a price. how do we expect to draw near to Him for free?

sacrifice. i don't think i know what this word really even means yet. i pray i have a better understanding of its weight tomorrow... and an even better understanding of it the day after. i want to see Him in His fullness when i have nothing left.

i'm feeling a little more courageous than usual tonight, so...

strip me, Lord. let the sickness or poverty or heartbreak or loneliness come if You will.

just leave me You.

Love is not consolation. It is light.

Friedrich Nietzsche

just call me a buzzkill.

i've been riled up ever since my feet hit the floor at 8:45 this morning. i had to pay $56 for a visit to the doctor that lasted all of 3 minutes to get a prescription that's going to be around $275 to fill...every month. my two insurance cards do me no good, none of the pharmacies have payment plans, and everyone i've talked to today has been rude. and i realize this might be a bit of a buzzkill, but i should be allowed to vent every once in awhile, right?

right.

so later today... i was stopped at a red light. i was at the very front of the line. kids were just getting out of school, so traffic was heavier than usual. the light turned green, i pressed the gas, and.... nothing. my car was dead in the middle of an intersection. i tried pushing the 'emergency light' button but was so frazzled that i'm pretty sure i was pushing the rear window button instead. i roll my windows down, look out awkwardly to my right and to my left, and just hope someone nice comes and lends a hand. i don't know how long i sat there, but it seemed like forever. after throwing my hand out the window signaling the line of cars behind me to go around [it HAD to have been two miles long], people finally get the picture.

[enter Jacob]. i still don't know him, and i didn't even get his last name. i wish i would have paid him or something. he whips in front of me, hooks me and my car to his truck with a chain, and hauls me to the nearest parking lot. he definitely held true to his "cowboy up" sticker on his back window.

if this had happened any other day, it would have seemed perfectly normal. but today... today was one of those days where i could've thought, "if something else really weird happens, this day might just go down in history as the worst day of my life." and something else really weird happened. of course it did.

but then i looked up and saw the full moon tonight, and it turned out not to be the worst day of my life after all. and it's good to know of another gentleman in the world. :)

Joy

1. i've driven home [home, home... Gadsden, home] every night this week. there's just something about that drive that does me some good.

2. i got mail today! Kimberly sent me a card she figured i'd love, and she was right. there are two guys on the front, and one is asking the other, "be honest... does my ass look fat in these pants?" of course he's pointing to his donkey with jeans on behind him. thanks, Kimberly. :)

3. i only have one more day of work until the beach! my plans are to bake, read, eat, sleep, and repeat.

4. i bought a shirt at Anthropologie today marked down to $9.95 from $68. score!

5. "Everything you now do is something you have chosen to do. Some people don't want to believe that. But if you're over twenty-one, your life is what you're making of it. To change your life, you need to change your priorities." John C. Maxwell

6. I think it's safe to say I'm addicted to Yogurt Mountain.

7. www.bohbackpacks.com [i have on the JOY bracelet right now!]

love's a risk worth taking.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

C.S. Lewis

horse talk...

my flesh is pulling me one way, and His Spirit is drawing me the right way... to the Light.

these two are always at battle inside of me, and like Matthew 26:41 states, "...the flesh is indeed willing, but the spirit is weak."

simple analogy for today: if i went through life pretending i was on the back of a horse, everything would turn out better [well, for the most part].

you see, to ride a horse well, you do the opposite of what your instincts are. instinct is to become tense, so you loosen up. instinct is to lean forward gripping the reigns tightly, so you need to sit back, relax, and give the horse its head. you get the picture.

i think tomorrow i'll try to go against my natural tendencies and see where it gets me. i have a feeling my decisions will be wiser and my countenance a little more radiant.

*[side note]: just to clarify, i'm aware that in certain situations, your instincts are best [example #1: your house is on fire, and you have to get your family out alive in less than a minute. your natural impulse kicks in, you save the day, and you're the local hero for a week. example #2 that's a lot like example #1 except more generalized: you're in a life or death situation you've never found yourself in before, you make an impulse decision without even having time to think, you save yourself or others from the impending danger, and moments later when you DO have time to think, you ask yourself... "what just happened?"].

ok, that's all for now.

love is action.

the longer i live, the less i feel like i know. i really don't know much at all, but one thing i do know is summed up into three little words...

LOVE IS ACTION.

i'm glad that truth has been reiterated to me today. sure, love can produce emotion, but it's not just a feeling. it's shown by what we do. love can't be shown without sacrifice.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 John 3:18

just look around.

try and put your arms around the 100 year old tree

climb up on a horse and let it run full speed

take a look down at the world from 30,000 feet on your next flight

watch a flock of birds against the morning sun

close your eyes and listen to the river run

catch a firefly in your hand or a raindrop on your tongue, that's right

there is a God

there is a God

there is a God

how much proof do you need?

plant a seed and see what comes out of the ground

find the heartbeat on your baby's ultrasound

in a few years hear it laughing,

and don't it sound like a song?

stop and think about what you don't understand

things like life and love and how the world began

hear the doctor say he can't explain it,

but the cancer is gone

science says it's all just circumstance

like this whole worlds just an accident

but if you want to shoot that theory down, look around

just look around

there is a God

there is a God

there is a God

how much proof do you need?

-lee ann womack