just a little further now...

i'm laying on my bed in Gadsden, and there are still several boxes on the floor around me. one of them is filled with stuff i've collected over the years that i'm finally getting rid of, and in the others' are random objects i have to find places for. it's weird being back home.

it's not like i've ever moved too far away, but some of the same feelings i felt when i was about to leave for college make their way up to the surface of me again. i'm unsure of where i'm going and have no idea what the next step for me will be. my mind is consumed with all of the possibilities. all in all, i just want to be passionate about what i do and make a difference. i don't think that's too much to ask.

i just got back from a short trip to Virginia with Kimberly and T-Rav monday night, and i'm already wanting to go back. the mountains were beautiful, the grass looked a little greener (it always seems to on the other side), horses were everywhere, and it wasn't Alabama. is it bad that i'm so anxious to leave when almost everyone who means anything at all to me is here?

mom, she does more for me than any other mom on the planet. i'm sure of that. she has put me before herself every day of her life. she wants me to be happy and successful even more than i want myself to be happy and successful. and my dad, i find myself becoming more thankful for him each day i live. i hear and witness stories of how fathers' are absent, or violent, or both, and i see the effects it has on families for generations. my good friend's husband is having trouble showing love and approval because he was never shown approval himself. a man uses violence as a means of control because, well, that's what his father did. my father... he's always been there, and i love him for that.

i could go on and on about the people here i love: Josh, Heather, Mamaw, Papaw, Nancy, TR, the boys, the Montgomery clan, and my friends that I couldn't survive without talking to or laughing with. for sanity's sake, i'll keep this list to a minimum. (quite frankly, reading shout-outs in the front of books or the back of CD covers has always stressed me out because i just KNOW a special person who has been detrimental in the life of the writer has been left out.) now, back to my point...

Mamaw saw me today and said, "well, it's my wandering granddaughter!" i feel bad for being a "wanderer" most of the time, but i'm learning that it shouldn't be considered a bad thing. i've never been one to stay when i had the chance to leave. i've never been content to stay. i was born curious. i was made for adventure. that's just who i am.

i don't know how long i'll be here or where i'll be going, but when the Lord provides a new path, i'm going to take it. i can only hope and pray that if this path leads me a little further away this time (or a little further north... i definitely wouldn't mind Virginia being added to the mix..), the people in my life will know they mean the world to me.