He changed my name to Victory.

when i look around me and try to see and understand how He's working everything out for my good, i'm only able to see glimpses.

but these glimpses are so good.

and i love the times, like tonight, when He allows me to become aware of a little more truth.

He's blessed me in more ways than i can count in the last few months, but they've been hard... and heavy... and, at times, painful.

when we begin to look back and take notice of the experiences that have shaped us into who we are today---the good and the bad---it can be pretty overwhelming. we may not even realize how past sins and hurts have transformed our ways of thinking until we begin dealing with them, and then we realize how messed up our thinking and views of ourselves really are.

but in the end, all of the remembering is going to be worth it. after we've searched our guarded places and found all sorts of memories, some of which we've tried so hard to forget, healing can come. sure, the healing process is painful for a little while (or even for a long while), but the outcome is always good.

i just want to be changed... to become more like Him.

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

Ezra Taft Benson

so, through this process, He's been showing me what it feels like to be 100% dependent on the Word of God. i've felt like i've been on an emotional roller coaster, so i've needed some stability. His words to me and about me have never disappointed me, and the more i rely on the Truth, the clearer it becomes.

why do i ever wonder why my life can't be easy? it never has been, but more often than not, i get mad at God about it.

but tonight i'm so glad it's not been easy. it forces me to look for Him.

and i always find Him.

well, He finds me.