ramblings of the heart.

i've been saved since i was 5 years old. i remember the day so clear. i had come to understand that i needed Him, and i was so excited for my pastor to come to my house to help lead me in the prayer to ask Jesus in my heart. i remember the pureness of it all and literally imagining Jesus coming in and dwelling in me.

while we've been in this relationship with each other ever since, i've wandered off... forgotten Him... more times than i can count. i used to think this roller coaster of emotions... wrong choices... life... [fill in the blank] was just experienced by me, but now i know it's experienced by everyone that's ever lived. we are on the mountain trying to be perfect, and when we just can't succeed, we get frustrated. we feel guilty. and ashamed. and the next thing we know we're so far deep in the valley we can barely see the Light. some of us reach up anyway, get help, and eventually make it back up to stand on the mountain for a while before spiraling down again. and some of us just believe it's a lost cause and stay there. it's a never-ending cycle.

we're sinful. we're fallen. we are nothing outside of His grace.

but the good news is that whether we're having a good 'spiritual' day, or whether we feel so sinful we can barely stand to look at ourselves in the mirror, the Lord is faithful. the Lord is always good. He has no bad days. He is always the same. and the more we fix our eyes on Jesus and allow His Word to transform us, the more our perspective begins to match up with His. He is the author and perfecter of our faith, and He is faithful to complete in us what He started. Hallelujah!

i've been in some low places. everyone knows what i'm talking about. we may not all be transparent about them, but we all have our low places... places we don't want anyone else to know exist. they may all look different, but they are really all the same. sin is sin.

i just recently joined a new church, and i've grown more in the last few months than i have in a long, long time. the openness and transparency of my church now overwhelms me. one of the most important lessons i've learned is the critical need for accountability. it can never be 'just me and Jesus.' it sounds good... it sounded good to me at one time too... but the body of Christ was made for a reason. we have GOT to lift each other up in prayer and hold one another accountable. Christ is living in us, but our flesh will always be getting in the way on earth. it's just so good to know we're not in this alone. with growth comes attack [as i have experienced in the last couple of weeks probably more than any other time in my life], and knowing brothers and sisters are on our sides is a blessing from the Lord.

one more thought, and i'm done. [i haven't rambled this much on my blog in a good year. it feels pretty satisfying.]

when we are seeking the Lord and trying to be obedient to His voice, the places He calls us to and the things He tells us will not always be the most popular. following Him may even look foolish to the world and cause people to turn against us. [isn't that the understatement of the century?!] He has put people in our lives to counsel us and give us Godly advice, that's for sure, but we have to make sure what people say lines up with the Word of God. we can all be quick to spit out an opinion, even if it stems from a good motive just to protect the ones we love, but we can't always assume our 'facts' are facts and not be open to correction. oh, and i'd much rather be too forgiving than not forgiving enough. why? because i've seen the depths of my sin and know how capable any of us are of doing the unspeakable. i forgive because i've been forgiven!

i've been reading in Matthew for the past week, and the Gospels aren't for the faint of heart. the cost of following Jesus is high.

Now when Jesus saw a crowd around him, he gave orders to go over to the other side. And a scribe came up and said to him, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." Another of the disciples said to him, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." And Jesus said to him, "Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead."

Following the Lord is not going to be comfortable. we're more than likely going to step on a lot of toes along the way. but i know this... the popular, Americanized, dimmed-down version of Christianity just isn't cutting it for me. call me extreme. better yet... radical. besides, that's who Jesus is.