make me new.

i think sometimes we have to go somewhere new to gain perspective, and i think sometimes we have to check out the options before we realize the options are endless. i'm also beginning to think, for most of us, hitting rock bottom is what it takes to make us reach up again.

i don't feel numb, but maybe i am numb and don't feel at all. my mind floods with doubt and would be ashamed if it wasn't numb. as of late, i feel like i'm going through the motions and hardly remember them at all. i'm not sure if it's my subconscious stepping in to protect me by blocking my memories or if i'm choosing not to remember. either way, it's hurting more than helping. i need to be reminded and washed and and delivered.

i know this, but where do i start? where do i begin again?

i want to be as expectant and eager as i was a few years ago when i wrote this...

the flowers are in bloom now, and although i have felt a little pressed down, i know my soul is alive.

just as the Lord paints the world around me.. the sunsets, the grass with the daffodils scattered about, and the pretty paint ponies i see before turning on my street.. He paints my heart with the very intention of showing off His beauty.

i'm joyful because He's made me to be.

He's colored my heart.. my being.. and i can't help but let all of the colors run together and drip along the sidewalk as i chase after Him. i want them to see Him. He's the best artist in all of the land, and He makes beautiful things out of nothing. we may not be nothing, but we are little things, seemingly insignificant little things, and He makes us colorful and spectacular and beautiful.

i want my colors to run wild and paint a picture for the world to see.

a picture of love.

a picture of Jesus in me.