The End.

as i'm driving home tonight, the Lord gives me the interpretation to a dream i've had on several occasions. i wasn't praying or even thinking about the dream or Him, but in the span of about three minutes, He encourages me.

i haven't had the dream in a long time but remember having it at least three times during my life thus far. it goes something like this...

i've been kidnapped. i'm on the left side of the back seat of a black car, and there's either one or two men up front. they are yelling horrible things at me. we're going down this lonely road, and there's not many other cars or people--if any--around. the road is paved, but we're definitely not on a main highway. trees surround us, and the sun isn't shining through them. i'm covered in darkness. the further we travel, the more fearful i become. i'm alone and scared and in a strange place. i start to panic, my heart is racing, and i feel like i'm using all the strength i have left trying to get out of the car. i just want to escape and be free. i try opening the door, of course, but the door is locked. then i try beating on the window to no avail. i'm really losing my cool now. i've tried everything and almost lost every ounce of hope i have when, suddenly, the door opens and i fall out of the car onto the pavement. i feel relieved, but i'm still so tired from fighting. i don't even have the energy to stand. i'm crawling down the road and finally come to the end. i don't even remember how long it takes me to get there, but i think it's a while. i look up from my knees, and i know i've finally reached my destination. there are people everywhere. the sun is shining so bright. there are rows of tables with kids eating and laughing. the carousel is in the background going around and around. i'm at a carnival and probably thinking about cotton candy. everyone is happy, including me. i'm not afraid anymore.

then i wake up.

when i first had this dream as a little girl, i had no idea what was coming. i didn't know life would be this tiresome. i think i have a better perspective of life now, but even still, tomorrow will surprise me.

some days, like today, i'm reminded that this life is a vapor; but most days seem like they'll never end. i struggle. i try and tear the walls of my heart down myself instead of letting Him do the work for me. i do my best to open doors and bust out windows to escape before it's time. i crawl much more than i stand. the road stretches out before me, and no matter how i try, i can't even hold my head up long enough to see the end.

but the end is there, and it's so good. the beginning and in-between may be blurry and dark, and i may feel like the light is never going to break through the trees. but it will. it has to. so, i'll just give it time. i'll breathe in and out, panting at times, knowing the end is worth all of this.