the darker the skies, the brighter He can shine.

my friend, carl, made the statement yesterday, "sometimes you gotta take a couple steps backward to move forward," and i think there's a lot of truth to that.

the Lord has been bringing me through a long season of testing these last few years, and sometimes i feel like this phase in my life will never draw to an end. i'm convinced every test He's put in front of me, i've failed.. multiple times. He's always provided a better, clear-cut path, and i feel like i've been choosing the yet-to-be-blazed trail for awhile now. i've felt every emotion under the sun: loneliness, anger, anxiety, self-pity, abandonment, fear, confusion, self-sufficiency, pride, even hopelessness. i've known the truth in my heart, but i've let my feelings rule me for too long. i've felt hopeless, but Hope abides in me. i've felt like i've traveled down this road to the point of no return, and yet Grace reminds me He dwells within me. it's just time for me to surrender...

though i still feel as if i'm standing in the midst of confusion, i can see how the Lord is turning it around for good. i've become more sensitive to others' feelings and realize all the emotions i've felt can have a stronger affect than i was ever willing to admit before. where i was once abrupt and unsympathetic, i am now more understanding. situations that once found me close-minded now find me open and willing. while i've always liked being as independent as possible, carl's words have stuck with me. we have to sacrifice ourselves in order to let the Lord reign.

with all of that said in a nutshell, i'm considering moving back to gadsden until i go back to school. i love birmingham, but i don't even make enough money to pay my expenses here without my parents help. even if i find a job that only pays minimum wage, i would still be able to save a little money every month. more importantly, i would save my parents a lot. besides, i really need a shift that allows me to focus on passing this darn test to get into medical school...

where You go i go

what You say i say

and what You pray i pray

'cause Jesus only did what He saw You do

and He would only say what He heard You speak

and He would only move when He felt You lead

following Your heart, following Your Spirit

so how could i expect to walk without You

when every move that Jesus made was in surrender

i will not begin to live without You

for You alone are worthy

and You are always good

oh, the beauty of Your name will be seen upon my face, oh God

oh, the glory of Your name will be seen upon our face, oh, God

though the world sees and soon forgets

we will not forget who You are and what You've done for us

-Jenn Johnson