He breathes into me, and I live..

The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry. And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord GOD, you know." Then he said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD."

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked, and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord GOD: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live." So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army.

Then he said to me, "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say 'Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.' Therefore prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will bring you into the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the LORD; I have spoken, and I will do it, declaresthe LORD."

Ezekiel 37:1-14

for the first time in days, i'm actually starting to believe He's slowly bringing me out of the darkness and holding me up to the Light of His face. i'm starting to notice the veil being torn from my eyes and seeing my passion for Him come forth... in new ways than before. as i sit here in the midst of the confusion and dry dust that have surrounded me for so long, i see a small speck of hope in the distance. i could hardly remember what He looked and felt like until today, so for now, this speck is good enough for me.

..not that Hope hasn't been there all along, but my vision has been too cloudy to see Him. this earth below me and dust about me have made me into who they wanted me to be instead of who i was created to be... sanctified, holy, righteous, His pure bride.. laying down this life He's given me as a gift at His feet. my dust--the sin i was born into and the filth that i acquire along the way--is now His. He gave His life to breathe life into these dry bones. reminds me of these lyrics to a song by Tim Reimherr...

..my heart is stirred by a noble theme

bringing blessed words unto my king

giving up my love as a sweet offering

oh the beauty of this man

for the sake of love, he left his father's throne

searching for a bride, bone of his bone

such a humble kiss to make my dust his own

oh the beauty of this man

see his hands, his head, his feet, and his side

they bear the marks of wrath, of pure sacrifice

to secure my love by giving up his life

oh the beauty of this man

she now faint with love beckons him to come

establish righteousness as God's risen son

on that glorious day she'll marry her fair one

oh the beauty of this man..

Hope is present, but it still seems as if it's a good ways off. there are still questions to be answered and voids to fill. i don't claim to know much, but there's one thing i do know. He's here waiting for me to respond. He's never stopped drawing me back to Him, and His grace is sufficient for us all.

______________________________

an excerpt from Whitney's blog:

I am tired. I am tired of living this mundane life, not knowing what road to take next. I am tired of my life not MEANING anything to me. I feel pulled to go deeper, do more, dream bigger, but don’t know which direction to follow. I am exhausted and weary from longing for MORE yet not accomplishing anything. I don’t know whether it’s me not opening my eyes and seeing or whether it’s a waiting period that God is asking me to endure. What if He is placing open doors along my path and I’m just turning my face away from them? Is it that? or could it possibly be that I must journey a little further before the doors are open?

There is an ache that seems to grow inside me that is screaming for me to follow a more narrow path. I feel like I am on a road being trampled by the crowds and yet I can’t seem to find the road less traveled. Am I just afraid of failure? Or is God calling me to be still? I know it’s my fault that I am so lost. I know I need to make more of an effort in my marriage to Him but can’t seem to find the energy. This scares me. I cannot allow myself to become who I was. I know that way doesn’t work. Yet, I can’t seem to find the instructions on how to turn around.

Grace. Mercy. Love… I need You.

______________________________

my response:

..how can i begin to answer when i don't know the answers myself? i can speak or type out answers that may sound good, but if my heart doesn't find any truth to them or peace within them, what good are they?

we're in the same boat. the truth is in my heart, but i don't feel it or even believe it half the time. i know all these things i'm supposed to be doing and have the desire to know Him more, but i can't make myself take the first step. if we ask, He'll give us the desire. we can't conjure it up on our own, i know that.

but i'm too tired and frustrated to even ask. that's my excuse, anyway. it's not a good one. they say if we want something bad enough or love something hard enough, we'll do anything. is this true? i love Him, i do, and i owe Him my life. why can't i get past this place i've been for awhile now and move to glory?

"...and it's nobody's fault but mine, and nobody's but my own. all the doubts in my head leave no will to carry on, and they're multiplying..."

the one thing i do know is that His grace is big enough to cover anything... the doubts and the fears and the mistakes we've made and are still making. and while confusion is all about me, i have enough faith to know we're gonna make it out of this place somehow.

He'll give us the grace.

be the change.

it just so happens i'm not the only one going through a quarter-life crisis. like me, most of my friends have finished school, are barely getting by, and have no idea where the road they're on is taking them. while it's not an easy place to be, i'm thankful the Lord has put friends in my life to make the jump (..or treacherous climb) from here to there just a little easier. He's getting ready to take us somewhere new.. i can feel it...

...but we have to be the ones to move this time. He's been there since the beginning. and i'm certain He'll give us the grace to do just that.

open your eyes up people, and take a good look around

catch the tears fillin' up all those cracks in the ground

turn off your televisions; leave your picture perfect neighborhoods

a lot of folks out there ain't doing so good

too many of us left out in the cold

no invitations given, no welcome mats unrolled

but you can be the change you wanna see

be the hope to those whose lives are far from easy

reach out and lend a hand, share everything you can

and be the change, be the change

carry the world on your shoulders for a little while

put on someone else's shoes, and walk around

so many cups a runneth over, while so many goin' dry

there's still a lot of work to be done

a lot of wrongs to right, a lot of battles to be won

if you can be the change you wanna see

be the hope to those whose lives are far from easy

reach out and lend a hand, share everything you can

and be the change, be the change

corey smith

this Love is mine.

i got two letters in the mail today. there is something about getting a letter in the mail that brings about joy for me. i guess it's knowing that someone is thinking enough about me to write. one was from a good friend, noah white, who is in jail right now. even if you don't know him, pray for him. his letter reminded me of my salvation and redemption. we're just beings on this earth, making one mistake after another, but it's never too late for us--for Him. His arms are always open wide.

the other was from rachel. while she was cleaning the other day, she found this that i had written at her apartment one night when i was living with her. it was a nice surprise.

head down, one foot in front of the other
the path i'm on, it seems to look the same
before, less sure, blinded by the darkness
but now i see a light shining across the way

hands move, mind tired, ready to look upward
trading my mind for His heart to respond here
mine is worthless and found in all the wrong places
His, good, and brings treasures that will not fade

words cannot portray it, seas cannot contain it
depths cannot display it, and this Love is mine
men cannot create it, music cannot replay it
somehow many deny it, but this Love is mine

broken, moving to glory with every step closer
just simply looking for love like the rest
this love, perfect and victorious, flowing all around
leads me closer to Himself where time began

time cannot erase it, our futures cannot replace it
miles cannot measure it, but this Love is mine
freedom cannot ignore it, His death won't let us forget it
my life can now embrace it, and this Love is mine
(c) 2008

go on and laugh.

today i found some old videos on my phone. they're from last summer. after watching them again, i'm positive every ounce of pride i still had left is now long gone. here's a preview, and if you're just dying for more, i posted the rest on facebook.

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." Dame Edna Everage

His compulsion is our liberation.

"The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation."

C S Lewis

i'm an artist, after all.

i like flowers, don't get me wrong, but i wouldn't usually pick a flower painting to go on my wall. you can bet your bottom dollar i'm putting this one up somewhere. this is my very first painting, and i have to say i'm proud of it, even if it is of sunflowers. i think i'll go to hobby lobby and buy another canvas this weekend and see what else i can come up with [on my own this time].

in the silence

here's something i wrote in january of last year. a year brings about change, but in some aspects, things seem just the same as before. i've been asking the Lord to make me new, and in reality, He already has. the old man is gone, and the new man has come. i just need to remember that and live like a new creation..

______________________________

I've been in this place for awhile it seems.

'Stuck between a rock and a hard place,' some might say.

I look around me through the light of Your eyes, and in the distance this is what I see...

...a young girl dancing to the most graceful and free tune playing softly in the background. Her movements appear as a feather dancing in the wind. I'm not even sure she is aware of the music playing. Even if the silence surrounded her...she would be dancing anyway... with the same dance as before. With one foot directed by the step of the other... she is lighting up the entire room.

in the silence, You are speaking

in the quiet, I can feel the fire

and it's burning, burning deeply

burning oils that You desire

to be silent

-jason upton

...the most brilliant oak tree standing tall in the middle of autumn. It's surely not the biggest or tallest among its kind, but its radiant colors shine with the sun. The leaves will soon make their way to the ground, but only so the new can come. while beauty is withheld, a change is taking place that can only happen in time... just as in the girl who is sitting under its shade. In the days to come, she will climb to the top and swing from its branches, and it will occur to her that she holds a beauty that runs much deeper than the roots of this tree. The Beauty within her runs through her veins to her very soul... penetrating through to her spirit.

...a faith so strong, that even in the silence, it is not shaken. This faith is so certain of what it hopes in that the silence is not a threat but rather a promise. Even in the quiet, this faith knows that plans are being spoken and drawn out and shaded in by the greatest artist in all of the land. Some areas of the painting are colored lightly while others are sketched with a slightly more forceful stroke, but the entirety of this piece of art is perfect. This faith knows firsthand of that perfection...

...a feeble woman of age with a heart that far outweighs the strength of her bones. At times, her mind may try to convince her of her weakness, but because of the change inside of her so many years before, her spirit is crying for her to press on. She follows this deep yearning for more, and her strength is replaced by the arms of One greater. For the length of her days, she has given more than received, blessed more than taken, and poured in more than soaked up. I'm sure some of the same words have passed through her thoughts a time or two...

to You I give my life

not just the parts I want to

to You I sacrifice

these dreams that I hold onto

to You I give the gifts

Your love has given me

How can I pour the treasure

that You designed for free?

to You I give my future

as long as it may last

to You I give my present

to You I give my past

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

this is no sacrifice

here's my life

-jason upton

...and I realize who I am and who I want to become are two different people. Who I am is slowly being changed, even in the silence, in hopes of someone greater. While the silence is uncomfortable at first, it will become a moment of grace in time, and I will look back to the silence as a time of hearing You more clearly than ever before.

______________________________

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

II Corinthans 5: 16-21

art, dreams, and beautiful things

mom had a baby in my dream last night. i was so excited because i've always wanted a younger brother or sister. she gave her a name that translated "shame," and i made her change it. she already had the official birth certificate and everything. i don't know about in real life, but it was a huge ordeal getting her name changed in my mind last night. i can't remember the new name i gave her, but i do know it was pretty and had a really good meaning. names mean a lot. she had a head full of red hair, and i loved her so much. i didn't ever want to put her down. she just kept staring at me with those beautiful eyes, and i was in love. i want her in real life. mom says i can't have a baby right now, and i guess i agree with that. i could deal with not having one in this life, but i really hope the Lord surprises me with one someday.

i also dreamed john mayer gave me a private concert at the gadsden country club, but that's another story in itself. he sure can play that guitar.

i'm so glad the weekend is upon me. i'm going to stay with kimberly, and we are going to attempt a three-hour session at sips n strokes. they guarantee you won't leave without a masterpiece, but i may beg to differ once i finish mine. i bought a canvas and all kinds of paints one time in hopes of creating art, and it ended up in the trash. it looks so easy, but i just don't think i have the painting gene. maybe after saturday night, my hope will be renewed.

and don't mistake me for wanting to be more "artsy." i hate that word, and it's way overused. "that film is so artsy. that girl... she's so artsy." it makes me want to gag.

well, i'll follow you wherever

when you lead me by my nose

on another big adventure, i suppose

then you lay me down in clover

with their petals on my back

i should make some time

to do more things like that...

-sister hazel

everything else disappears.

remember to breathe
remember to hold your head high
remember to smile some
and just listen a while

you've practiced enough
that's what i told myself
so i nervously asked you your name
and that's when the world seemed to stop

and i died when you looked up like that
took my breath away
knocked me flat on my back
i knew right then and there
in that first second stare
it would be a while

everything falls out of focus
you walk through the door
and one thing that's clear to me
helplessly hopeless
i'm all right with that
in a room full of people
everything else disappears

we talked for hours
about the sun and moon
how it chases her 'round and 'round
it's just trying to light up her face

and we sat on your car
while the light from the stars
poked holes in the sky
and you told me the tales of your heart
and how it'd been broken

and i cried when you talked about that
yeah what i would've given to take it all back for you
right then and there
in that first second stare
i knew we would be a while

i thought that i'd known you forever
i felt like i'd finally come home
after all of these lifetimes
you still take my breath away

-sister hazel

whitney osborne photography

one of my good friends, whitney osborne, just started her own photography business. i just thought i would try to make it even more public than it already is. check her site out below, yo.

whitney osborne photography

and, yes, that's me in the first few pictures you see. i told her she could use me to practice on only if there were wildflowers involved. i got my wish.

all we need is love.

animal cruelty makes me really angry. earlier today, someone dropped three little puppies on the side of the road in gadsden and drove off. since they were still so tiny and hard to see, one of them got backed over and was killed instantly. they ended up at my friend carl's apartment complex, and i just had to stop and hold one of them. they were both shaking and acted like they had been abused. if i had a big backyard and the money to take care of them, i would have taken them home in a heartbeat. for now, they are still at his apartment being fed. i hope they find a good home and lots of love.

puppy love

a place for me, a place with you

i've been kind of hooked on train for the past few days. i think i had forgotten how much i love that band.. and his voice.. and the lyrics. cheers to a 3-day weekend, the lake, and fireworks!

don't let them be right

after all that we've been through

cause somewhere over that rainbow

there's a place for me

a place with you

-train

lack of warning signs, only sleepless nights
while these feelings must have come and stole me away
'cause i don't even know your middle name

you lost your love, i found it again
hanging down from the brightest star for me to keep
this reality is better than a long awaited dream

others' hope may float, mine surely flies
around your heart and life and back to the ground to me
'bout to carry us further up and make us come alive

(c) 2009

..but i need Your hands on me now.

she wears a peace sign 'round her wrist and her heart on her sleeve
her grandfather's memory is wrapped tight around her ring finger
the scars on her arms and legs each have a story of their own
and, believe me, if you had enough time she'd tell you all about 'em

the lines on her face are proof of the endless expressions she shows
and the laughter and tears are evidence of the joy deep in her heart
her smile holds the pain in for as long as it can 'til her eyes say it all
when her hair is dancing in the street, near the Son, she'll be free again
(c) 2009

i need a sign to let me know you're here

'cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear

i want a reason for the way things have to be

i need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

you're in and out up and down

wonder if you're lost or found

but i got my hands on you

are you strong enough to tow the line

are you gonna make me yours

or do i make you mine

i'm in and out i'm up and down

wonder if i'm lost or found

but i need your hands on me now

-train