He breathes into me, and I live..

The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold, they were very dry. And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord GOD, you know." Then he said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD."

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked, and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord GOD: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live." So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived and stood on their feet, an exceedingly great army.

Then he said to me, "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. Behold, they say 'Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off.' Therefore prophesy, and say to them, Thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I will open your graves and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will bring you into the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves, and raise you from your graves, O my people. And I will put my Spirit within you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I am the LORD; I have spoken, and I will do it, declaresthe LORD."

Ezekiel 37:1-14

for the first time in days, i'm actually starting to believe He's slowly bringing me out of the darkness and holding me up to the Light of His face. i'm starting to notice the veil being torn from my eyes and seeing my passion for Him come forth... in new ways than before. as i sit here in the midst of the confusion and dry dust that have surrounded me for so long, i see a small speck of hope in the distance. i could hardly remember what He looked and felt like until today, so for now, this speck is good enough for me.

..not that Hope hasn't been there all along, but my vision has been too cloudy to see Him. this earth below me and dust about me have made me into who they wanted me to be instead of who i was created to be... sanctified, holy, righteous, His pure bride.. laying down this life He's given me as a gift at His feet. my dust--the sin i was born into and the filth that i acquire along the way--is now His. He gave His life to breathe life into these dry bones. reminds me of these lyrics to a song by Tim Reimherr...

..my heart is stirred by a noble theme

bringing blessed words unto my king

giving up my love as a sweet offering

oh the beauty of this man

for the sake of love, he left his father's throne

searching for a bride, bone of his bone

such a humble kiss to make my dust his own

oh the beauty of this man

see his hands, his head, his feet, and his side

they bear the marks of wrath, of pure sacrifice

to secure my love by giving up his life

oh the beauty of this man

she now faint with love beckons him to come

establish righteousness as God's risen son

on that glorious day she'll marry her fair one

oh the beauty of this man..

Hope is present, but it still seems as if it's a good ways off. there are still questions to be answered and voids to fill. i don't claim to know much, but there's one thing i do know. He's here waiting for me to respond. He's never stopped drawing me back to Him, and His grace is sufficient for us all.

______________________________

an excerpt from Whitney's blog:

I am tired. I am tired of living this mundane life, not knowing what road to take next. I am tired of my life not MEANING anything to me. I feel pulled to go deeper, do more, dream bigger, but don’t know which direction to follow. I am exhausted and weary from longing for MORE yet not accomplishing anything. I don’t know whether it’s me not opening my eyes and seeing or whether it’s a waiting period that God is asking me to endure. What if He is placing open doors along my path and I’m just turning my face away from them? Is it that? or could it possibly be that I must journey a little further before the doors are open?

There is an ache that seems to grow inside me that is screaming for me to follow a more narrow path. I feel like I am on a road being trampled by the crowds and yet I can’t seem to find the road less traveled. Am I just afraid of failure? Or is God calling me to be still? I know it’s my fault that I am so lost. I know I need to make more of an effort in my marriage to Him but can’t seem to find the energy. This scares me. I cannot allow myself to become who I was. I know that way doesn’t work. Yet, I can’t seem to find the instructions on how to turn around.

Grace. Mercy. Love… I need You.

______________________________

my response:

..how can i begin to answer when i don't know the answers myself? i can speak or type out answers that may sound good, but if my heart doesn't find any truth to them or peace within them, what good are they?

we're in the same boat. the truth is in my heart, but i don't feel it or even believe it half the time. i know all these things i'm supposed to be doing and have the desire to know Him more, but i can't make myself take the first step. if we ask, He'll give us the desire. we can't conjure it up on our own, i know that.

but i'm too tired and frustrated to even ask. that's my excuse, anyway. it's not a good one. they say if we want something bad enough or love something hard enough, we'll do anything. is this true? i love Him, i do, and i owe Him my life. why can't i get past this place i've been for awhile now and move to glory?

"...and it's nobody's fault but mine, and nobody's but my own. all the doubts in my head leave no will to carry on, and they're multiplying..."

the one thing i do know is that His grace is big enough to cover anything... the doubts and the fears and the mistakes we've made and are still making. and while confusion is all about me, i have enough faith to know we're gonna make it out of this place somehow.

He'll give us the grace.