the best is yet to come.

tonight, i'm thankful for...

family. old friends and new ones. the grace to forgive. second, third, and ninety-fifth chances. the love of God driving us to repentance. feeling like myself again. dreams. laughter through the tears. encouraging words. the body of Christ. my guardian angels. honesty. His never-ending pursuit of me. music. yoohoo's. hard times and all i've learned from them. my mentors. understanding. opportunities to see and tell what the Lord has done. country roads. acceptance. hearing and knowing His voice...

i could go on and on.

Jesus loves me. He sought me out and shed His blood for me. I am forever His!

this life is good, but the best is yet to come.

thank You, Jesus.

27

welp, i'm one year older, and what a year it's been!

the flowers above are from my best friend, Kimberly. she sent them to me at work, and along with the the confetti and balloons, my desk was so colorful and fun!

one of my co-workers asked me if i turned 15 today. i don't know if she was just trying to be funny or give me a compliment, but either way, i'll take it.

this year i've met some of the greatest people in the world. i've become more grateful for the ones who have loved me from the beginning and who love me the most. i've fallen in love. i've had my heart broken. i've learned more about what real love is and what it's not. i've felt the joy... and the pain... of sacrifice... even though very few of us can even wrap our minds around true sacrifice. Lord, help us understand the concept of giving of ourselves to others and not expecting anything in return. i've seen darkness, but i've also experienced the Light. i've tasted the goodness of God. i've come to hate even more the wickedness of man. i've come to value the Truth more than i did before. i've become more aware of my sin nature and how it can affect others. i've laughed and cried a lot. i've heard His still, small voice more times than i can count... even when i chose to ignore Him for a little while. thank you, Jesus, for making Yourself known to me and for being so faithful even when i'm not. i've come to grips with the complexity of God and how He works in ways we'll only understand in heaven. i've also come to appreciate the simple things. most importantly, i've come to know Jesus a little more... in ways i never imagined.

Hope in the lonely nights

i’m after Your heart
i’m having a new day start
turning the page and running after You
i’m out of my head
living a life among the dead
risking it all and running after You

it’s all to know You more

it’s all to know You more

Beautiful

Wonderful

hope in the lonely nights
Beautiful

Wonderful
You have turned on the lights
i’m taking my sword, taking my shield

i’m coming out to fight
Beautiful

Wonderful
Love never felt so right

i’m ready to kneel
Your love is chasing down my will
laying it down and running after You
i'm walking in faith
living it out each day
taking a chance and running after You

-josh baldwin

i want a love that only you can give

filling me with peace and fire in my soul

pursuing me and never letting me go

i want stories that only you can write

pages of purity and vulnerability and sacrifice

no standing in the shadows but in the light

i want to know and be fully known

comfortable but not complacent and at rest

experiencing the fullness of His life with you

in the pain there is healing.

i recently came to realize something about someone, and it made me sick. it literally made me sick. the details--who, or what, or why--don't even matter anymore. it's just the point that counts. when someone we think we know and have high expectations of disappoints us, it's devastating. in some cases trust can be built again (which is my preferred choice), but there are other times we just have to forgive and let go. the hard part is deciding if we're going to keep holding on and doing what we feel like doing or follow hard after God... even if He is telling us something we may not like hearing.

He may tell us to do something that scares us to death, and He may tell us to do something that hurts way more than we think it should.

...but in the pain there is healing.

while i was talking to God about it all, He turned it back to me. i think He likes doing that most of the time. i was focusing on what this person did, and the Holy Spirit gently reminded me of this flesh i still wear around too. we're all the same... we're sinners... and we're going to get it wrong some days. my job here is to love and seek God so I can hear Him and do what He says... and love people.

love people when they do right. and love people when they do wrong. God knows i need to be loved when i get it wrong. but it's so hard to love no matter what sometimes.

you know, we may give everything we have to give to someone, and it still may not be enough. that's the hard part. we can't fix anyone, only God can. and I pray i allow Him to change me from who i am now to who He wants me to be. i need to be fixed more than anyone.

if we pray, He'll guide us. He has to come through for us... He promised He would and He always does.

...but God looks at the heart.

grace is something you can never get but can only be given. there's no way to earn it or deserve it or bring it about anymore than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks... a good night's sleep is grace and so are good dreams. most tears are grace. the smell of rain is grace. somebody loving you is grace.
frederick buechner

i've been focusing too much on the bad lately and not enough on the good. i think this rings true for most of us. we get caught up in the confusion of everyday life and lose sight of the One who holds the world in His palm. i've discovered when i make Jesus the center of my day, it all turns out better. i have a better attitude and can actually minister to someone else. when i learn to be grateful for the gifts God has given me, the greatest being Jesus Himself, my perspective on everything changes for the good. and we all need a little perspective.

i haven't always made the best decisions. i've held hurt and bitterness in my heart for some time before letting it go, and i've been known to isolate myself. we all have our own ways of dealing with hurt and none of them are good. the only right way is God's way, and He's slowly but surely teaching me. it's not the teaching that's slow... it's the learning. but maybe that's how He intended it to be all along. the longer the process is for me, the harder it will be for me to forget.

the deeper the cut, the sweeter the healing.

i got a text a little over a month ago from Peggy Joy. i knew her in auburn and she was always so faithful to pray for me. it said... "Hey Emily, remembering you and the word of promise from the LORD to heal you...don't lose hope of God's word to your brother for it will come to pass. He is trustworthy. I love you little sister..."

i don't think encouragement like that is ever by accident or coincidence, and it came at just the right time. i believe my body will one day be whole, but right now He's working on my heart.

i was once a pre-med student...

three stupid things i've done in the past week:

1. stole a "Just Busted" paper from the Texaco. it was only a buck, but i could have sworn those things were free. they should be, anyway. i mean... for our own protection and all! they were just laying there on the counter up for grabs, and after paying for my drinks, i grabbed one. i did realize a few minutes later (with the help of Seth and the big $1 circled on the front of the paper) that they were not free to the public. (and if you're curious, i did go back and pay her the dollar. she just laughed.)

2. showed up to work with my shirt on backwards. i knew it felt kind of funny, but it wasn't until i looked down and saw the tag below my chin that it hit me. good thing i realized it early on so many people didn't notice.

3. i was planning on typing the third stupid thing out too, but then i realized it probably wouldn't even make sense or be half as funny as it was to me at the time, so i'll just leave it at this... despite popular belief, i'm really not a dumb blonde most of the time. it just comes in spurts.

:)

in a nutshell...

this weekend was life changing for me, and if you were around me at any point this weekend, you probably wouldn't have known.

it was a weekend of practice games, a little relaxing, hanging out by the pool, and celebrating Seth's birthday. (for the record, i'm really glad God thought of him before the foundation of the world and knew just what he was going to do through him.)

but in the midst of the craziness (which i'm growing accustomed to), the Lord spoke to me and added to my testimony.

i hear testimonies all the time. great, powerful ones. and it's hard not to testify to His faithfulness when i see people's lives being changed every day through His power. while i'm fully aware my testimony is always growing and changing because God is continually growing and changing me, He dusted off my platform this weekend and made the place i stand just a little more clear.

this is my testimony:

i was born a wreck. the outside of me was all twisted up, but the inside of me was worse. the 15 or so surgeries i had on my legs and feet helped my physical condition some, but no one outside of Christ could help me with my heart. God found me at an early age, but my sin nature still gets in the way. God's shown me that up until now, i've let my disability define me. it became my identity without me even knowing it. darkness led me to believe that i was unlovable because my legs and feet weren't pretty like others i've seen. i've spent wasted time replacing God in my life with other people/things i felt could satisfy. they do satisfy, for awhile, but they will always leave us empty. the good news is that the Light has shown me the truth. i am loved by Him just like i am, and He created this messed up body of mine with a purpose in mind. as if being loved by Him is not enough, He's sent people to me that love me for me. this is HUGE for me. His love for me is alive and active in the people He's placed around me. i'm a work in progress, but i'm gradually becoming the me that i was created to be. and from here on out, i choose to not be identified by my circumstance but by the God who gave Himself for me. i choose to believe His love is more than enough.

He came to his own people, but they didn't want him. But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves.

1 John (MSG)