You'll be my weeping willow.

weeping willow, may i sit under your shade?
reality looks me square in the eyes,
she's so hard to face sometimes.
let your tears fall where they will,
they'll wash the cynicism from my mind.

whispering willow, why do you stand here in the waste land?
you envelope me in a peaceful embrace,
i won't paint you among the graves this time.
tomorrow the mourning will come,
but tonight sing to me a deathless song.

graceful willow, how do your roots run so deep?
your arms cover the brokenhearted,
twirling delicately about me as i sleep.
i'm under nature's own ballerina,
and she's dancing to the rhythm of my dreams.

vulnerable willow, when will the sun's light seep through?
you've made yourself transparent,
allowing me to tread upon thoughts from you.
i'll come forth from within as the dawn breaks,
healed and starting anew.

(c) 2009

i must not be a hood rat.

today at work, erik coached me some more on my rapping abilities. i have the beat down, but i don't sound "hard" enough. in this context, i'm concluding that hard is used to describe someone who is gangsta/from the streets/always getting their hustle on/keeping it real. the rap i'm learning goes something like this...

"i've been up and i've been down, beat to the ground but God pulled me out now. the bridge i traveled shattered like glass. the road i was on is not the right path. the only faith i had was in a girl named Faith, and He snatched that Faith away from me, told me the faith i need is in a G-O-D... so listen up.."

...and the rest of the lyrics are yet to come. i just have to memorize and conquer them first. between russell banging on his keyboard and mine and erik's jam sessions, the labfirst admitting area is rarely quiet. i guess i'll continue with my progress tomorrow.

have i mentioned that i love the words "hood rat?" i have latarian milton to thank for that.

watch: latarian milton

the space between

nothing significant has occurred in the last couple of days, so here's another poem. i guess i could write for awhile about life, love, and other mysteries, but i'm meeting a boy for coffee in 45 minutes and have accomplished nothing in regards to my goal of getting myself out the door.

space is the time it takes to move freely again without wondering what went wrong
and sometimes space fills the empty pages or breaks the silence so the words can do no harm
a place available for a particular purpose, knowing it will not be vacant for very long

a space between notes is enough time to enjoy the one before and anticipate the one to come
one can get lost in it, not even sure of the melody or the lyrics making up the song
space is the unlimited realm in which all things occur or the thing one needs to be alone

space allows, understands, and does not interfere with the letters on either side of its walls
it gives the freedom to express oneself and brings the words held back for too long
space is the illusion of depth around us while the Best has reached out to save us all

space brings forgetfulness along with forgiveness by allowing us to finally be free again
it takes us from our surroundings and gives us to somewhere, or better yet, to Someone new
even as the longed for uncertainty captures us, we know that this is not the end

in space, minutes and hours come and go without leaving even a trace of them behind
an interval of time that can seem like forever but in reality be faster than a blink of an eye
for now i will keep this space between us and do nothing other than look up to the sky
(c) 2009

but the space between where you're smilin' high
is where you'll find me if i get to go
the space between the bullets in our firefight
is where i'll be hiding, waiting for you

the rain that falls splash in your heart
ran like sadness down the window into your room
the space between our wicked lies
is where we hope to keep safe from pain

take my hand 'cause we're walking out of here
oh, right out of here, love is all we need, dear

the space between what's wrong and right
is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
the space between your heart and mine
is the space we'll fill with time
-dave matthews band

rise and shine like starz.

i rose early today. i've decided a glass of wine before bed makes me feel well-rested. while i've always wished i was a morning person, i'm convinced i never will be. so, the more rested i feel the better. i think the previous sentence contains the most applicable-to-everyone statement i've ever said.

as of the moment, i'm at home and considering a nap. thrift stores can make you tired in a hurry. i made my rounds this morning and came home with.. [hold your breath]... one vase and two cork bottles. the bottles, which now have wildflowers stuck in them, look cute on my kitchen table. i'm also a little worried about whit. she was supposed to come to birmingham today to hear one of her favorite bands play, and i haven't heard from her. if i wasn't used to receiving updates from her via twitter throughout the day, i wouldn't think a thing about it. i have two hypotheses: (1) tim flew to alabama without her knowing, stole her and her phone for the weekend, and is putting a black diamond on her finger.. OR.. (2) she ran over her phone again. [whit, i hope you're alive and well!]

if i get brave enough to bust a tune at Starz karaoke tonight, i'll be sure to update.

update: whit is A OK, and neither of my hypotheses were correct [which seems to be the case most of the time]. we searched for a song to karaoke to but unfortunately couldn't find one that seemed to fit. we were, however, entertained by the others who sang their hearts out. oh, and the velcro pygmies have some major talent on those instruments.

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows
With her bare feet laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
Ray Lamontagne

walk on, walk on, walk on.

these songs got me out of bed this morning...

1. "love and some verses" iron & wine
2. "all the trees of the field will clap their hands" sufjan stevens
3. "can't go back now" the weepies
4. "only love remains" griffin house
5. "blindsided" bon iver
6. "boston and st. johns" great big sea
7. "divine romance" phil wickham

short but sweet

it's been a sufjan stevens kind of day--good, thoughtful, and mellow.

"and i am throwing all my thoughts away
and i'm destroying every bet i've made
and i'm joining all my thoughts to you
and i'm preparing every part for you.."

word of the day: camaraderie - n. goodwill and lighthearted rapport between or among friends; comradeship; the quality of affording easy familiarity and sociability. [syn: fellowship; companionship; intimacy; togetherness]

say it. it's fun to say out loud.

i want to sense a stronger camaraderie between me and Jesus.

p.s. one more thought from a friend of mine. what would you do if you knew you could not fail? as for me, i would fly..above all of the sadness, darkness, and shame.. and tell everyone there is hope.

April Fools!

since nearly all of my friends are getting engaged or married, i figured i should be in a relationship for a day. i used April Fools as an excuse to pull a fast one on my facebook friends. i am pretty sure it was a success. i got so many comments, messages, and emails it was ridiculous.

"congratulations!"
"who is the lucky man?"
"hold up!!! i'm gonna need details!"

i never suspected the attention and fame that comes with having a man. thanks, Adam Kidd, for being my better half for the day. it was a pleasure.