life of an admitting clerk.

me: single, married, divorced, or widowed?
patient: single, never been married, good dog... looking for a woman with a boat.

...approximately two minutes later proceeding the awkward silence/light, pretend laughter...

patient: so do you have a boat... or a canoe for that matter?

the heart of the matter

sacrifice is always going to seem hard. of course it is. if it wasn't, it wouldn't be sacrifice. but the One we claim to love deserves it.

i just have to keep reminding myself that this world is not my home.

sometimes it feels like i'm watching from the outside

sometimes it feels like i'm breathing but am i alive

i won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

all i know is i'm not home yet

this is not where i belong

take this world and give me Jesus

this is not where i belong

so when the walls come falling down on me

and when i'm lost in the current of a raging sea

i have this blessed assurance holding me

-building 429

'take this world and give me Jesus'... it's so easy to say...or sing... or write. but being faced with making the choice between wrong and right is not always so easy. doing the right thing is hard and will cost us. we don't always know how making a true sacrifice feels until we have to give up something... or someone... or some place that means a lot to us.

the Lord has allowed me to go through struggles so my faith can be made stronger and i can become more aware of His love for me. my struggles, either there by my own will or His, have been turned around for my good. that's how He works. that's just His nature. He is so good to me.

i've told Him that i want to learn from my past mistakes---to take all He's taught me in the midst of my pain to heart. i don't want to keep compromising what i believe to please others or myself but live a life that brings Him glory.

i think these last few weeks He's been testing me. i could be wrong (it wouldn't be the first time), but i think He does that... tests us to see how faithful we're going to be to Him. i want him to know He can trust me. i've failed some lately, but He's also given me the grace and courage and boldness to stand up for what i believe some too. i can honestly say i've taken what i've been through and learned something from it. i have a long way to go on this journey, but i pray that i'll continue to learn and grow.

progression.

Kimberly has been kidding me about my backbone getting stronger and gettin' a little 'rough around the edges.' My nature has always been to avoid conflict, but because i never want to offend anyone or hurt feelings, i've also avoided speaking truth. this has not only been unfair to others but to me.

the last thing God wants for His children is to be taken advantage of. i believe we should always speak the truth... ALWAYS in love.

i just want to be a living sacrifice. i say it and mean it now, even though i know i won't always feel like it later. God sent the ultimate sacrifice for us--His son. Sacrificing can only make us more like Him.

give me Jesus.

whatever You have to do Lord to make me see, do it in me.

sweet dreams

i had a dream tuesday night, and it ended up happening on wednesday. you can call it whatever you'd like, but i think God likes giving us dreams sometimes for different reasons. i believe this one was meant to prepare me.

what would have normally been hard for me was a lot easier because He had already prepared my heart. i can't even begin to explain how He works or even how the dream prepared me, but i don't have to understand. i just know He flooded me with the peace and love and forgiveness that can only come from Him.

i can do all things with Him on my side. :)

Christmas and Jaynie B

my first experience at the Talley household during Christmas was a success. i even got a present (only because i put reindeer ears on)... a dirty Santa gift (aka an alabama/LSU national championship shirt) that we ended up giving to Josh. he loved it.

ohhh, Say. she was so proud of her onesie.

i miss the days when Cam called me his girlfriend. :)

A, B, and C! looove them!

i'm sure Mommio had just finished saying 'RTR' or something along those lines. she always feels the need to say it before a picture... or before anything really.

Kimberly and her little angel... JAYNIE B!

she's stolen my heart... and she loves me back... she just doesn't know it yet. :)

i'm going back in two weeks for her to lay on me just like this again.

follow peace.

on christmas morning of last year, i woke up, looked at the snow falling outside, and knew this year would be significant somehow.

and i was right.

every day is significant, i know. but i think i've learned more this year than in the 26 others put together.

....and if i was asked to sum up all i've learned, my bit of advice would be two words: follow peace....

when we choose our own way, times will be hard, but we'll sure learn a lot. we'll learn the hard way and we'll never, ever forget it.

more than anything, i've learned more of what love looks like. it's sacrifice. it's truth. it's putting your needs above his own.

Love is a man named Jesus.

if anyone speaks in the name of love but doesn't display any characteristics of Love Himself, don't buy it 'cause it won't last. this world's version of love is cheap and temporary, and true love is unconditional and eternal.

so tonight, i'm thankful for all the ones in my life who are real... and who have shown me so much love i can hardly stand it.

and i'm thankful for the One who gives Christmas its name and who has made me as pure as snow over and over... again and again.

Truth stands.

i love my job.

if i was committed enough to write a book about the adventures of an admitting clerk at GRMC, i would in a second.

there's that story of the man who loves me almost as much as he loves his miniature horses and gave me his picture in a frame to put in my cubicle. i actually put it up for awhile until patients starting looking at me a little strange. their faces said it all. they were contemplating it in their heads... hoping he was my grandfather but secretly wondering if he was something a little less cute.

then there's a regular of ours who's brought me a box of chocolates (RUSSELL STOVER, too) both times February 14th has rolled around and on my birthday. the very last time he came in, he was accompanied by his wife, and he didn't talk quite so much. my smile towards her was a little brighter than my norm.

and then there's 'ole ____ _________. i wish i could type his name because it's oddly hilarious to me. if i wouldn't get fired for violating HIPAA or possibly ruin his shining star name in the community, i might just do it. i had just been working at GRMC a few weeks when he made his first appearance. being the overly-friendly front desk clerk that i was, i immediately started laughing and joking around with him as if he was my grandpa (he was early 70's). by the time it was all over, he had given me his life story (including his three previous marriages), the run-down on his family, and asked me for my number. this is the most embarrassing part of it all...

confession: i GAVE it to him.

i've known i should really get better at lying for times like this one, but i just couldn't come up with another number fast enough. and i was so stunned that the thought of saying, "no... i'd rather not give you my number..." did not even cross my mind. so... ____ _________ called my cell phone a good four times, leaving a message for me to call him back every time.

i think i'll take a bow, and i hope whoever is reading this is applauding me for my honesty/transparency right now. props to me. my co-workers told me the whole 'friendliness' thing would wear off in a few months, and i have to commend them for being right. while i try to be cordial and God-like, i'm more realistic than i used to be and my skin is just a wee bit tougher.

today's patient was the kicker. in my near two years of being an admitting clerk at GRMC, i have never been at a loss of words when describing my experiences, so i'm not even going to attempt it. just know that Monday when he's scheduled to come back in, there's a high possibility i might just call in sick.

:)