...not lacking anything.

i am God's favorite. He favors me!

on nights like these, when i look back on the last 12-14 hours of my life and see where the Lord has moved on my behalf, i feel so grateful. from Him picking out the song i would sing this morning at 10:30 (seeing as to how i still had no clue as of 9:30) to Him speaking to my heart tonight and giving me a little more insight into what He's up to, i can't begin to fill this empty space with words that could do Him justice.

i am very aware i have a lot of maturing to do, and the Lord made a truth evident to me tonight. when we won't mature on our own, He puts us in situations that force us to. of course, we have two options. we can take the easy way out, or we can push through towards Him... on our way to becoming mature and complete... not lacking anything. (i can't wait until that day of completion! i will be with Him!)

i can just feel the Lord growing me. the process is hard, He's putting me in uncomfortable positions, and more often times than not, i want to check the little box beside the statement that reads, 'i do not accept these terms of agreement.' but when i look back at who i was and then look ahead at where He's taking me, i can't help but follow Him.

He is worth my life... even my death.

i've also been amazed today at the people He's putting in my life. after Celebrate Recovery on Sunday nights (which is a ministry i'm becoming passionate about!), our women's small group meets, and each of us take about two minutes to tell what's going on in our lives. (some run a little longer. me? i'm still trying to hit the two minute mark.) the transparency overwhelms and encourages me so much. we don't try to fix each other, we just listen to each other. in listening to everyone else's stories, i've learned about myself. in hearing how the Lord is ministering to others, He's ministered to me.

this journey is incredible.

oh, and i got to church early this afternoon, so i was able to play the piano in the dark sanctuary by myself for a good five minutes before someone came and turned the lights on. it was so peaceful and probably the best five minutes of my day.

ramblings of the heart.

i've been saved since i was 5 years old. i remember the day so clear. i had come to understand that i needed Him, and i was so excited for my pastor to come to my house to help lead me in the prayer to ask Jesus in my heart. i remember the pureness of it all and literally imagining Jesus coming in and dwelling in me.

while we've been in this relationship with each other ever since, i've wandered off... forgotten Him... more times than i can count. i used to think this roller coaster of emotions... wrong choices... life... [fill in the blank] was just experienced by me, but now i know it's experienced by everyone that's ever lived. we are on the mountain trying to be perfect, and when we just can't succeed, we get frustrated. we feel guilty. and ashamed. and the next thing we know we're so far deep in the valley we can barely see the Light. some of us reach up anyway, get help, and eventually make it back up to stand on the mountain for a while before spiraling down again. and some of us just believe it's a lost cause and stay there. it's a never-ending cycle.

we're sinful. we're fallen. we are nothing outside of His grace.

but the good news is that whether we're having a good 'spiritual' day, or whether we feel so sinful we can barely stand to look at ourselves in the mirror, the Lord is faithful. the Lord is always good. He has no bad days. He is always the same. and the more we fix our eyes on Jesus and allow His Word to transform us, the more our perspective begins to match up with His. He is the author and perfecter of our faith, and He is faithful to complete in us what He started. Hallelujah!

i've been in some low places. everyone knows what i'm talking about. we may not all be transparent about them, but we all have our low places... places we don't want anyone else to know exist. they may all look different, but they are really all the same. sin is sin.

i just recently joined a new church, and i've grown more in the last few months than i have in a long, long time. the openness and transparency of my church now overwhelms me. one of the most important lessons i've learned is the critical need for accountability. it can never be 'just me and Jesus.' it sounds good... it sounded good to me at one time too... but the body of Christ was made for a reason. we have GOT to lift each other up in prayer and hold one another accountable. Christ is living in us, but our flesh will always be getting in the way on earth. it's just so good to know we're not in this alone. with growth comes attack [as i have experienced in the last couple of weeks probably more than any other time in my life], and knowing brothers and sisters are on our sides is a blessing from the Lord.

one more thought, and i'm done. [i haven't rambled this much on my blog in a good year. it feels pretty satisfying.]

when we are seeking the Lord and trying to be obedient to His voice, the places He calls us to and the things He tells us will not always be the most popular. following Him may even look foolish to the world and cause people to turn against us. [isn't that the understatement of the century?!] He has put people in our lives to counsel us and give us Godly advice, that's for sure, but we have to make sure what people say lines up with the Word of God. we can all be quick to spit out an opinion, even if it stems from a good motive just to protect the ones we love, but we can't always assume our 'facts' are facts and not be open to correction. oh, and i'd much rather be too forgiving than not forgiving enough. why? because i've seen the depths of my sin and know how capable any of us are of doing the unspeakable. i forgive because i've been forgiven!

i've been reading in Matthew for the past week, and the Gospels aren't for the faint of heart. the cost of following Jesus is high.

Now when Jesus saw a crowd around him, he gave orders to go over to the other side. And a scribe came up and said to him, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." Another of the disciples said to him, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." And Jesus said to him, "Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead."

Following the Lord is not going to be comfortable. we're more than likely going to step on a lot of toes along the way. but i know this... the popular, Americanized, dimmed-down version of Christianity just isn't cutting it for me. call me extreme. better yet... radical. besides, that's who Jesus is.

the only time we're sure of is now.

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

Isaiah 43:18-19

to be truthful, i've never really thought i had a great testimony. but see... if the Lord's in it... it is great. and it's worth telling.

Craig had asked me to sing a couple weeks ago, and of course i said yes. i could sing all day long to anyone. but when he came back up to be at the hospital a few days ago and asked me if i'd share some of my testimony before i sang, i just looked at him. as i told the congregation Sunday, my flesh was saying "say no! please say no!"

...but my spirit was saying yes. it won over this time around.

i just have to say the Lord really came through for me. doesn't He always? how easily i forget until i step into faith and see again.

i was nervous at first, but when i started speaking about Jesus, the words just flowed out of me. i told my mom i could've probably talked for another ten minutes, and if you know me, that's huge! i do love to talk. i have since i was little. my parents have called me "chatty Cathy" for as long as i can remember. but stick me in front of a crowd, and the talking is over. anyway, i digress.

the point is... Jesus is so good. if we are willing, He is faithful.

i've told the Lord throughout my life that i just want to make a difference, but it amazes me when He actually provides an opportunity. i think it's because even after i blow it over and over again, He still wants to use me.

THAT is so incredible to me. that He continues to draw me to Himself. that He never lets me get too far gone. that nothing or no one can snatch me out of His grasp.

so.... Sunday was my baby step. if i want to make a difference, i'm going to have to learn how to be uncomfortable every once in awhile. i'm also going to stop talking about the person i want to be and start actually being.

if we don't follow Him out of our comfort zone, how do we really learn to trust Him? there has to be a time when we stop talking about changing and take action.

and the only time we're sure of is now.

help some sisters out.

I just received a package from my friend Carla all the way from Uganda!

If anyone wants to buy any jewelry that was made by the widows living there with AIDS, let me know. I have sets of bracelets, necklaces, and earrings that range from $12-20. By supporting this project, you would be helping them with medicines, transportation, food, and school supplies for their children.

If you want to know more, visit: Lamplighter Ministries

(Oh, and the jewelry is so cute!)

life in the fast lane.

i survived the rapids.

and i'm going to the Lady A concert at the Fox Theatre in November! they have some major talent and are right up there on my list next to George Strait.

now, don't judge. i do have a wide taste in music. if you scrolled through my iPod you'd see. but you just can't beat country music. i love the stories, and i love blaring them in my car in the summertime.

every day i drive by a little white church

it's got these little white crosses like angels in the yard

maybe i should stop on in and say a prayer

maybe talk to God like He is there

oh, i know He's there, yeah, i know He's there

-lady antebellum

p.s. i hate i haven't updated much about life lately. my excuse is that i've been enjoying it too much to make the time. it's been flyyyying by. my last thought by an anonymous someone... never get to busy making a living that you forget to make a life.

love. :)

i'll always call you home.

(i totally stole this off of sarah teague's blog.)

if i ever left this town
i’d never settle down
i’d just be wandering around
if i ever left this town

if i wasn’t by your side
i’d never be satisfied
nothin’ would feel just right
if i wasn’t by your side

cause i’m not easy to understand
but you know me like the back of your hand
i’m your girl and you’re my man
and we’re makin’ plans

we can go on and on
won’t ever feel too long
i’ll always call you home
and we’ll go on and on

‘cause i know you like the back of my hand
got a heart of gold and a piece of land
i’m your girl and you’re my man
and we’re makin’ plans

-miranda lambert

we'll gaze into the flames and look for You.

if You say go, we will go

if You say wait, we will wait

if You say step out on the water

and they say it can't be done

we'll fix our eyes on You and we will come...

this empty page is intimidating me now.

a few years ago when i had a thousand other places to be besides on my bed writing, ideas would come one right after another. now that i’m here with no other obligations, i sit and wait.

and wait.

......and...wait...

the only reason i’m here now is because i’m home and the power is off. my options are thin. i could go read a book... which is what i would normally do in this scenario. but today, i just keep staring at this page like i’m secretly hoping the words appear and the answers become clear.

i’m currently listening to Coeur De Pirate, and although i understand none of the words, the music... along with her voice... is so beautiful. i almost think the words would ruin it for me.

words mean everything to me. don’t get me wrong.

let me rephrase that.

truthful words mean everything to me.

there are so many words that float around with no meanings and sting and corrupt and make their ways down so deep into our hearts that it makes it hard to know which ones to believe.

so... more often than not, i enjoy moments with no words at all.

words can make the truth blurry to us.

too may words, too little action. i’ll say it again and again and again...

too many words. too little action.

the power came back on about thirty minutes ago, and i’m still here. this is progress. it used to be somewhat easy for me and now it’s not.

who am i kidding? it was never easy.

it will be easy one day, but for now, i’ll press on.

...Your ways are higher than our ways

and the plans that You have made are good and true

if You call us to the fire, You will not withdraw Your hand

We'll gaze into the flames and look for You

-Rita Springer