remember the Rose Bowl...

...we'll win then!

...and i have to say that i'm pretty upset about being back in 15 degree weather.

Radical Experiment

for those of you who are looking for something new to do in 2010, here's an idea...

The Radical Experiment

and it starts tomorrow, so you're not even behind yet...

it's all just a process...

for the past several years i haven't made new year's resolutions, seeing how i hardly ever follow through with anything for too long; so, i'll just say the following is a list i'd LIKE to accomplish/witness during 2010. it's better this way. if i put too much pressure on myself, it all goes downhill, and i do realize this is probably a character flaw. see there... the pressure is already building...

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1. play the piano and guitar a little more than last year

2. journal (dreams, sermons, experiences, etc.)

3. read the Bible in its entirety (the plan i'll be using is found on www.brookhills.org)

4. tithe (i have to confess i haven't been doing this on a regular basis, and i guess i've used the whole "church-hopping" issue as an excuse. do i give to the church where i'm being fed or give to the one i'm still a member of? if any of you have any wisdom, feel free to comment. either way, the money is going to do the Lord's work, so where is probably irrelevant.)

5. be reminded daily of His perspective, not my own

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whether i stay in the wilderness or find myself on a mountaintop, He is still the same. He is holy. there is a purpose for everything under the sun, and i want to continue to be mindful of this truth. He hasn't wiped me out yet, so there's something left for me to do. i want to carry out His purpose for me and be faithful to the end.

last night i was driving home from work and looking at the sky (which wasn't too smart considering i was driving), and i was a little overwhelmed. there were streaks in the clouds that looked like finger marks and the moon was peaking out from behind them. it reminded me of getting in the car on cold mornings when i was younger and writing my name on the windows. my name would be there until we went through a car wash or the rain washed it away.

my name is now written on His heart, and it can never be erased. thank you, Jesus.

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea.

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,

My name is written on His heart.

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,

My perfect spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I AM,

King of glory and of grace,

One in Himself I cannot die.

My soul is purchased by His blood,

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ my Savior and my God!

-Vicki Cooke, Charitie Bancroft

i've wandered down the wrong way so many times, but He never lets me get too far gone. He's always correcting me and bringing me back. and He shows me so much mercy.

this year is going to be a good one.

Lord, teach me.

p.s. this is really random, but if you're a regular reader of my blog and disagree with something i write... please, please, please comment. correct me. teach me. this is all just a process, and we're in this thing together.

merry little Christmas!

the stars were bright tonight.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

Oscar Wilde

...because He first loved me.

i supply, you demand

is this the deal we made?

making up and compensating for and filling this space inside you

but never gaining anything

my reserves are running low

is your conscious wearing thin?

occupying your half vacant heart until [hopefully] Someone better rides up

and ropes you in again

you want without words

will you claim me as a right?

covering you with love and arming you with certainty will never get old

but how i wish it would be returned this time...

...i endure, you attain

what is love without a price?

fighting is not fighting at all if there is no battle to win or cost to pay

so let me give my love away

(c) 2009

several of the conversations i've had with friends during the past few weeks have been about love and our views of it. these conversations got me to thinking about how God's view of love is completely opposite of ours. we have this idea that if we give of ourselves, we need something in return. it's been ingrained into us. our pride tells us we shouldn't be the ones making all of the effort.. all of the phone calls.. all of the sacrifices... and on and on..

..but the love of God goes beyond our ideas and thoughts and reaches to the lowest places. He loves us regardless of our actions, and He commands us to love as He loves. i'm still learning, little by little, but i want to love like Him. yes, others may title it as being weak or taken advantage of, but it's only because they have a different definition of love than the one found in Scripture...

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as sure as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me. I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again. God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.

-Donald Miller "Blue Like Jazz"

you shine brighter than anyone.

this is one of those nights when someone else's words can do much more justice than my own. so thank you, Paramore, for taking my heart and putting it to music.

and i’ve always lived like this

keeping a comfortable distance

and up until now

i had sworn to myself that i’m content

with loneliness

because none of it was ever worth the risk

but you.. are.. the only exception

i could follow you to the beginning

just to relive the start

and maybe then we’ll remember to slow down

and all of our favorite parts

help me come back down

i’m high above the clouds

you know i’m suffocating

but i blame this town

why do i deny

the things that burn inside?

down deep i’m barely breathing

but you just see a smile

you made yourself a bed

at the bottom of the blackest hole

and convinced yourself that it’s not the reason

you don’t see the sun anymore

and when it rains

will you always find an escape?

just running away

from all of the ones who love you

from everything

take your time

take my time

take these chances to turn it around

just take these chances,

we’ll make it somehow

‘cause i’ve seen love die way too many times

when it deserved to be alive

i’ve seen you cry way too many times

when you deserve to be alive

so you give up every chance you get

just to feel new again

my pain and all the trouble caused

no matter how long

i believe that there’s hope

buried beneath it all

and hiding beneath it all

and growing beneath it all

i drowned out all my sense

with the sound of its beating

and that’s what you get

when you let your heart win

and if it ends today

well i’ll still say that you shine brighter than anyone