shut-up and listen.

you may think this is coming from some bitter place deep in me, and maybe it is. but i think it's just something that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks that the Lord's been teaching me for much longer than that.

shut-up and listen.

profound, huh?

i used to know all the right things to say. i could spit them off [with Bible verses included], and i really felt like i was encouraging the people that came to me with heavy hearts. now i'm not so sure. Truth definitely needs to be spoken, but i've been learning we need to think about our words more carefully before we speak them out loud. our words can change someone's entire perspective on life. that can be a good change in perspective, but more often than not, their views end up just as skewed as ours.

...and if we don't have the will to shut-up on our own? the Lord will shut our mouths for us.

He has mine.

it's a humbling experience being asked questions such as, "what is your view on this?" and "how do you feel about that?" and literally not being able to speak. i, like almost all of humanity, have my views on certain issues, and not being able to gather my thoughts and form them into a statement that is fully coherent is beyond frustrating. it seems like this truth within me hasn't reached the air and others' hearts in so long. i feel like the wisdom i had as a child has flown out the window.

but maybe it's the best thing that's happened to me in a while.

if we keep repeating and replaying our own thoughts and beliefs without even considering what others have to say, how can we really learn anything? we can be right and know the truth about a lot, but sadly enough, we're never going to know it all. and we, with our flesh and prideful natures surrounding us, hate it.

He didn't create us to seek the truth out for ourselves; He's called us to commune together. we're not in this alone. we learn together, grow together, and love Him together. if we'd listen to others and not love hearing ourselves talk so much, we'd learn a thing or two... and we may even learn that we are wrong.

i overheard a co-worker last week ask, "have you ever wondered why we have two ears and only one mouth? it's because we need to listen twice as much as we talk." my point to a tee.

so... the past few months have been full of me just sitting back and listening [too bad i can't say it's been on my own accord]. people have a lot to say, that's for sure. i've been introduced to Truth in new ways, and i've also heard ridiculous ideas that leave me wondering where we went wrong. either way, it's been helpful. we're all busy running toward our own versions of truth, so when we hear from the living and breathing Truth, we just want more and more of Him.

and it's always good to be reminded that we've been blind ever since that day in the garden.

thankfully, He shines His light and allows us to see.

curly Q

curly Q with a ponytail, she was light and free as the breeze.
her wild imagination carried her to places we could only dream of.
she tried her best to take us there,

but our minds could not quite comprehend the beauty she saw...

her face was glowing, the light not her own,

and her strength seemed far greater than anything we had seen before.
her innocence was evident; her soul was pure.

she trusted easily and asked for nothing but love in return..

we begged her to come along with us; she resisted.
she still had fields to run, worlds to see, true love to find and give away.
a few hundred cartwheels and somersaults later,

we wondered if her story would still be the same...

her dreams and plans had not been hindered with loss,

with heartbreak, with unrequited love, with death.. until now.
the colors outside did not appear as lively to her.
the heaviness weighing on her seemed to be pressing her spirit down

and crushing the pieces of her heart that remained..

once so full, now fragile..
the wholeness of her childhood had seemed to vanish

as the wind of change shaped her into someone new.
now uncertain, she longed for her first Love.
she had tasted a sip of earthly love, and it was not nearly as sweet as her First...

He had been the one in her dreams of old,

showing her the beauty within her.
as she ran the fields, she knew His love for her, if described by numbers,

was abundantly more than the blades of grass

that brushed her heels as she skipped on.
His songs to her would be stuck in her head the entire day,

until inevitably, she would sing them back to Him as an offering..

the world stripped her of the only joy she knew,

and she was set on winning Him over.
she did not know that her Love had been there through it all.
better than that, He was chasing her..knowing she would remember...

the sense of freedom..
the satisfaction of knowing Love and Love returning the favor..

and even more.. the feeling of letting her curls down and laughing

as the breeze tickled her face and He refreshed her, more than ever before..

(c) 2008

beauty is created before our eyes.

i went to the beach this past weekend, so here's a few pictures i took with my phone. even though i didn't take my camera, the other four girls came prepared. i actually didn't forget mine, i just knew Whitney was coming along. i love having pictures, and if someone else is willing to take them... even better.

sunset... and paratrooper?

the beach'll getcha..

Whitney and Jenna... sorry, guys..

we love the sunset

oh, aviators.

glory

for i am sick with love

i am yours, beloved, and your desire is for me
i am sick with love

i could begin to imagine the pounding of your
heartbeat as you drew me closer
step by step, walking toward you,
it felt more like home by the second
your eyes followed me the entire way,
just waiting for me to look up
when i did, i caught your glance
and it beckoned me to continue onward

the more space i covered,
the easier it was for me to trust you
though the distance hid the fullness of
your beauty, your shadow was enough
it was not dark as the others but radiating
with the light that hovered around you
colors i had never seen before,
all distinct, unable to be described or understood

i finally got to you, and as i reached out
my hand to touch you, you wept
not from sadness but out of joy,
for i had chosen you for my own
the praise i had offered up on the
journey here had not been in vain
as your glory surrounded and filled me,
i knew why i had come this far

you overwhelmed me, and i knew pure,
selfless love for the first time
i laid under your shadow with delight
as you raised your banner of love over me
although i was dark, you called me lovely
until the idea became truth to me
with your left hand under my head
and your right embracing me, i was secure

i fell asleep under your shade and rested,
peacefully, and upon waking, you had gone
your holiness no longer as real to me
but your presence still about me
i knew that you would be back,
that i would be walking toward you again soon
that on that day, my soul would be alive
again, forever, with you

i am yours, beloved, and you are mine
for i am sick with love
(c) 2008

tenderly, sweetly, freely, completely

my heart and my mind are much too complicated for me. lately i've had trouble telling the difference between the two. i know truth in my mind, but i can't figure out how to get it down in my heart. i know a lot of good, but i can't feel it. i want this goodness deep within me, filling up and spilling over, and yet i'm almost sure it can't make its way there by any efforts of mine. i think He has to make the transfer, and sometimes i think He wants us to really think about our circumstances before He takes over. only when we've felt hopeless can we be driven to Hope. and this Hope can't be contained.

...and His mercy? ...

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."
Ephesians 2: 1-7 [emphasis added]

oh, how His mercies are new every morning.

i was sitting here at work tonight listening to music, and suddenly, His love for humanity overwhelmed me. i like to think i've always had a heart for people, but most of the time i find myself wanting to love more.. give more... be more. as tears formed in my eyes, He gave me just a taste of Himself. i started praying for salvation for one of my friends. i want him with me in heaven one day. i want him to see the beauty of Jesus. but as much as i love this friend, Jesus loves him even more. for a moment, i felt this love stronger than ever. so Lord, humbly i ask. save him. keep him. show Yourself to him.

as one of my best friends said, the Lord has been gradually tightening my leash. He's been drawing my attention and disciplining me in love. my sin humbles me. and after confession time this weekend, i can say that exposure does lead to healing. keeping each other accountable is necessary for us to walk in obedience. the fact that He's provided someone for me to confide in--who is walking through some of the same struggles i am--has been such a blessing. i didn't even think to ask for it, He just gave it to me. freely.

tenderly, sweetly,

you whisper the truth.

freely, completely,

i wanna love like You.

some advice i received from a spiritual father in an email a couple of weeks ago... "do all that He puts in your heart. when you do, He provides the way and the resources. don't be afraid to do what's in your heart. we do the will of God from the heart. you know your desires. all that is good and according to His Word will be blessed."

...and after all of this pondering, He reminds me.. Goodness is already there. He's in my heart. my flesh just likes to get in the way. so i guess it's not about wondering what's in my heart, it's about letting it come out. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

"my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
psalm 73:26

speaking of...

this weather is perfect. it's finally cool enough to wear boots. i looove boots. speaking of boots, i bought my first pair of the infamous Ugg's this weekend. ( they were my early birthday present from mom and dad.) i still think they are some of the ugliest shoes i've ever seen, but they are so waaaarm. i think i'll wear them to the Alabama game this weekend.

speaking of Alabama football, i'm having withdrawals. a part of me wish i could watch them play every day, but then again, i'm afraid i'd have a nervous breakdown, especially if all of their games were as ugly as this past one. okay, so the defense wasn't ugly at all. and i wish i could hug Ingram for stepping it up on the offense.

speaking of Ingram, he needs a Heisman. and if they had a trophy for the "most ridiculously giddy Alabama fan during the Walk of Champions," i would nominate my mom. she never fails to jump out in the middle of the team as they're walking and convince them to give her high fives. she says it gives her a rush. all of them look at her like she's a loon, but some of them concede and reluctantly hold their hands out anyway.

this past week, the girl beside me kept laughing at mom and saying, "look at her! Roll Tide! look at her!" i just laughed, nodded, and tried to hide my face with my hands. i would like to think that maybe the fans around me had no idea she was my mom, but considering we look just alike, it's a pretty hopeless situation. and deep down, i think i love how she gets over the Tide.

i can't wait to enjoy another Bryant-Denny stadium dog this weekend, and i really hope Alabama beats the heck out of UT.

but not me, i'm alive

tailgatin'

taking a spin in T-Rav's F250 with Kimberly

sips n strokes: round II

i feel like i need to write. it's already seven days into october and no blog entries. heaven forbid. i've never been one to write just for the sake of writing itself, though, and i don't have any earth-shattering news. i guess that's where pictures can come in and do my life a little justice. [not much... i'd rather experience life than try to capture it all, although some friends of mine would disagree. one in particular calls me the "picture nazi." ohhh, brother.]

i don't know what to do with this jumbled mess that entangles my thoughts and isn't quite willing to free them just yet. i see a glimmer of a thought trying to peek its way through every now and then but not enough to decipher it and put it down in words. most days i have an epiphany and think, "whoa, that was good and deep and maybe even life-altering," and before i know it, it's found its place again in the web i like to call my mind. one of these days i may take the time to pick out the pieces that contain substance, put them all together, and teach myself a thing or two. but for now, these empty words and lifeless pictures will have to do.

because while the pictures themselves contain no life, i'm full of it.

it’d be easy to add up all the pain
and all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
but not me, i’m alive

and today you know that’s good enough for me
breathin' in and out's a blessin' can’t you see
today's the first day of the rest of my life
and i’m alive, and well
i’m alive, and well

-kenny chesney