born to run

a few weeks ago i was sitting at my desk at the hospital when Matt, a guy i graduated with, came up to me. i was a little surprised because in high school he didn't talk much. if i'm remembering correctly, all he said was, "i had a dream about you last night. you didn't have your crutches anymore." i'm sure i responded with an "ohh... cool!" or something like that and didn't think much more about it.

i didn't think about it until two weeks ago when Kimberly told me about a tag she saw on a parked car right before we headed to Florida. it said... "Emily H: born to run." as usual, we laughed hysterically.

i'd say at least 7 times out of 10 having a disability can be quite comical. there are always stories to tell... whether it's falling face first in the sand or having an old man say to me, "well hello there, four legs!" in an elevator full of people. my first response has always been to laugh, and i wouldn't even say that the laughter has been to cover something deeper up. i really do have a good time with my disability... most of the time...

...but, at times, it's hard. sometimes i feel unlovable because my body isn't whole. i really hate admitting that too. i'm transparent when it comes to most things, but not this one. i've never wanted sympathy, and i despise when people feel sorry for me. it's humiliating.

who would have ever thought that my disability could stir up so much pride in me? pride that used to almost always refuse a favor and pride that never allowed me to be honest with myself until now.

i couldn't even begin to count the times i've been told about visions and dreams of me completely healed.

unbroken. new. whole.

so many times that, now, i just push them to the back of mind or forget the words were spoken at all.

perhaps the Lord is trying to get my attention again. maybe He's telling me that even though my eyes can't see the promises being fulfilled, He hasn't forgotten.

Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

1 Peter 4:19

i'd like to say i've used all of my suffering for good, but at times, i've tried restoring what i've felt was lost with everything else but Him.

for me, it's usually in my weakness that i learn the most about myself.

i learn that i, in fact, do have insecurities and just attempt to cover them up with the world. i learn that i'm not quite as strong as i'd like to be. i learn that the sins of other people i've looked down upon can soon become my own chains if i let them. and i learn over and over again that without Him, i am absolutely nothing.

so, Lord, let me suffer well. let them look at me and see You.

and whether i run down here or with You, remind me that i will run.

my pain and all
the trouble caused
no matter how long
i believe that there’s Hope
buried beneath it all
and hiding beneath it all
and growing beneath it all

-Paramore

Stephie has a new last name!

Mr. and Mrs. Albert Chan :)

SnoBiz

my friend, Adam Kidd, does something new every summer. one summer he made it point to learn all about cars. last summer or the summer before he sported the "frohawk." a couple of weeks ago i decided to start this summer tradition.

this summer's task? to try every flavor of SnoBiz (...or "Rainbow Sno"). if i counted right (and it's very possible i'm off by one or two), there are 47 flavors to try.

flavors i've tried so far:

1. Tiger's Blood

2. Frog in a Blender

3. Ice Cream (not as good as it sounds... i didn't even finish it)

4. Georgia Peach

5. Strawberry Daiquiri

i've tried a few more, but i've made it a rule for myself that it doesn't count until i actually get my own. i realize this is a little intense and OCD of me. i also told myself that i only have to get 46 out of the 47 flavors, because the Banana repulses me.

thanks, Mom, for always being willing to take late-night trips with me to the Rainbow Sno. it's very supportive of you.

brown paper packages tied up with strings...

...these are a few of my favorite things...

tulips. kept promises. being free. piano. children. a full moon. log cabins. singing. Jesus. stars. changing the atmosphere. spades. love. wide, open fields on the back of a horse. cowboys. playing/sleeping in the rain. Europe. Yogurt Mountain. worship. cherry blossoms. laughing 'til i cry. the music up and my windows down. sarcasm. Virginia. dreams. friendly texts. hope. the crimson Tide. a good book. four-wheeling. roasting marshmallows. pearls. courage. being understood. weeping willows. guitar. Lady Antebellum. the river walk. good wine. great danes. adventures. having a good story to tell. making situations more awkward. purpose. lyrics. making a difference. letting go.

take that, Facebook. you can't get away with up and deleting my "interests" section too easily.